Amundgaards.com

Further thoughts on potty-training

2011-01-16T22:32:00.000-08:00

On July 8, 2010, I declared the end of our struggle to potty train Sophia. I thought I'd give it 6 months or so before trying again, especially given that conventional wisdom is against potty training that will soon be interrupted by moves, high-stress times, or Christmas traveling. In those 6 months, Sophia initiated peeing in the potty several times; some times she actually did produce some pee, but usually this proved to be merely a successful way to postpone going to bed at night. When she produced pee, we let her wear panties and play for ten minutes or so before putting a diaper back on her.

When we returned from our Christmas travels, I wasn't sure how long we should wait to let her feel settled, before trying the training again. Maybe I was postponing the stress and feelings of rejection... And then, on January 8, 2011 -- exactly 6 months later! -- Sophia initiated it all on her own.

Back in July, my mom had sent Sophia the book, Once Upon a Potty. It introduces anatomy and peeing in a potty -- and the fact that you have to wait and wait and wait for pee to come... it ALSO introduces the vocabulary of "I have a feeling." One day, the main character (Prudence) "has a feeling" that something's ready to come out, and she goes to the potty, and finally, she has success! Somehow, in early January, this concept clicked for Sophia. She started saying "do you have a feeling? like Prudence had?" While holding back a chuckle at her pronunciation of "Prudence," Ben took Sophia to the potty. She peed, chose panties, and since then, she's been telling us when she has a feeling and peeing in the potty all the time (except when sleeping or out of the house), with only 3 accidents in 8 days. I like this potty training SO much more than what we went through 6 months ago!

We don't really have a goal, or deadline, by which we hope she'll wear panties for sleeping and when we leave the house. I'm hoping that we can just keep following her lead on all of this... a couple days ago she asked if she could pee in "Momma's potty," and I put her up there, held her, and she went. And then she went again and again in "my" potty -- several times in a couple minutes. So yesterday, we went to the store and she picked out a bright red seat that goes on my potty (I don't want her to be afraid of falling into the big potty) and came with a matching red step, so that she can climb up onto the seat…

We have, of course, made some more mistakes… like giving her PEZ (from her Christmas stocking) as a reward for peeing in the potty. She’d already been going just fine on her own, but one day it seemed fun and appropriate to reward her. She caught on quickly and figured out how to stretch the contents of her bladder of over several back-to-back pees, so as to earn a lot of candy. So we dropped the PEZ thing in less than a day and she’s totally fine without it. We also haven’t figured out what to do about wiping… and it seems that a funky smell develops quickly when she doesn’t wipe. So now she goes through the motions, but not effectively, and we just bathe her more regularly.

I’m delighted that she really has told us when she was ready, and that it’s been so smooth and easy and full of fun and celebration this time. I’m glad we dropped it when we did back in July. And I’m grateful that she picked it back up.

PAX

2010-10-09T15:29:00.000-07:00

I, Jen, have been on the Editorial Board of PAX Quarterly Review since the Spring of 2010, and am now the Managing Editor. This is the first issue we've produced since I've been in that position, and I have to say that I am proud of the work we've done.

Ben wrote the feature article on page 6, A Goodly Heritage: The High Churchmanship of John Keble.

Here's an excerpt:

We who believe in the Nicene Creed must acknowledge it a high privilege that we belong to the Apostolic Church. (John Keble, "Adherence to the Aposotlical Succession the Safest Course," Tracts for the Times, vol. 1 no. 4)

The Reverend John Keble is undoubtedly one of the bright lights of the Anglo-Catholic tradition. Keble was a poet and one of the primary forces behind the religious revival known as the Oxford Movement (along with E.B. Pusey, R.H. Froude and J.H. Newman). His collection of verse for the Sundays and feasts of the Church calendar, The Christian Year, went into 109 editions between its publication in 1827 and Keble's death in 1866. The immediate success of this work helped earn him the Chair of Poetry at Oxford, a position he held for almost a decade. His edition of the works of Richard Hooker, published in 1836, remained influential well into the twentieth century. His contributions to the University and the Church led to the establishment of Keble College, Oxford in 1870. Many of his poems, such as “Evening” (also known as “Sun of my soul, thou Saviour dear”) continue to hold a prominent place in many hymnals.

However, Keble was not primarily a poet, professor, nor the leader of a religious movement. His primary commitment was to his office as a parish priest. This role was central to Keble's identity and the motivation for all of the other work he did. As a priest, Keble believed he was fulfilling an office in an institution which began with Christ's commission to the original Twelve Apostles. This institution, the Church, possessed and transmitted the sacred treasure of the Gospel from one generation to the next. The priesthood was God's chosen channel to communicate his sacramental grace to all Christians. The Church had survived wars, persecution, great wealth, extreme poverty, heresy, corruption and reform. Through the grace of God, the protection of the Angels, the prayers of the Saints, the faithful service of the clergy and the quiet obedience of all Christians, the Church would continue until the end of the world. It is this view of the Church and his role in it – not elaborate liturgy, incense, or richly coloured vestments – that marks the High Churchmanship of John Keble.

Read more on page 6, here: Michaelmas PAX 2010.

Lead, Kindly Light

2010-09-24T23:33:00.000-07:00

Ben wrote the lead article for this week's issue of Regent College's newspaper, The Et Cetera:

Lead Kindly, Light: The Life and Afterlife of John Henry Newman

Ben Amundgaard

This past Sunday, the Venerable John Henry Cardinal Newman was beatified by Pope Benedict. Beatification is the third step in canonization (the process of declaring one a saint). The first step is declaring the candidate to be a ‘Servant of God’ and the second step is declaring the candidate to be ‘Venerable’ (i.e. heroic in virtue). When the Church beatifies someone, she declares it to be ‘worthy of belief’ that the candidate is in heaven, enjoying the beatific vision. Prior to the beatific vision, all Christians perceive God mediately: through Sacraments, prayer, worship and nature. The beatific vision is the eternal and direct ocular perception of God. It is the great hope of all who believe. For John Henry Newman, the longing for the beatific vision made him feel unsettled throughout his life. If the Church’s recognition of Newman’s status is accurate, then this restless pilgrim has finally found his rest.

Born in 1801 to an independently wealthy London family, Newman was profoundly influenced by the Evangelical faith of his Grandmother. At the age of 15, Newman had his own personal conversion experience. Throughout his life, he regarded this experience as an essential part of his Christian journey. "I received it at once, and believed that the inward conversion of which I was conscious, (and of which I still am more certain than that I have hands and feet,) would last into the next life, and that I was elected to eternal glory."

Read the rest here...

Photos by Dallas Bittle

2010-09-24T12:56:00.000-07:00

Our friend from St. James met us at the park on Wednesday and brought his camera along. He took some amazing photos and we're soooo grateful that he gave them to us!

We uploaded some more to facebook -- you can see them even if you don't have an account.

Success?

2010-09-15T15:10:00.000-07:00

Since March of this year, I've been looking for a job that would allow me to stay at home with my daughter, Sophia, for most of the day. I love being with Sophia, and Ben and I think it's really important that we focus our time, energy, and love on her -- even if it means that we don't have "successful" careers.

As Dr. Jim Houston said in an interview with John Gardner, of Regent College's Et Cetera,

And a depleted self is a professional self. Success is a trait that is associated with reductionism. ... if you want to be successful on Wall Street, you may have to neglect your family. Whatever you focus on, you can be successful. But what shall it profit a man if he gain the whole world, yet forfeit his own soul? Well, that's success. Success is a relational failure.

Those last two sentences continue to fascinate me. Especially because they were written by a man who is, himself, successful. He has a nice house in an expensive neighborhood and is friends with wealthy and famous people all over the world. I wonder what he would say about himself: is he a relational failure?

What would I say about myself?

Certainly, the fact that I don't have a successful career at the moment does not translate directly to my having successful relationships. But it might, perhaps, allow for them. In truth, I have no career at the moment. I have an impressive resume and I currently work three different jobs (tutoring ESL students one-on-one in Vancouver; tutoring ESL students in Beijing over the Internet for Opal; and tutoring students in reading and writing with Dr. Tang), but I spend the vast majority of my time with my two-year-old daughter, Sophia Marie Amundgaard, and my husband, Ben. Usually, I enjoy those relationships, but sometimes they are very hard for me. Perhaps success in these relationships is indicated by faithfulness. All three of us continue to spend time with each other, support each other, and grow with each other. We are committed to each other much more than we are committed to anything else (including financial success).

Early in the above quote, Dr. Houston said "Success is a trait that is associated with reductionism." I think he's totally right. At the moment, I am focused on relating to my immediate family -- all other candidates for my attention are severely reduced. I never thought that I'd be this way. I thought I'd always have lots of hobbies and friends and a full calendar. There is a real way in which life feels reduced. And at the same time, there is a real way in which life feels abundant, full.

I pray that I would always be protected from the temptation to forfeit my soul. And I know that this means that I may always feel poor. Lord, have mercy upon us.

Some of our favorite pictures

2010-08-25T21:59:00.001-07:00

As August draws to a close, and we plan Sophia's second birthday party (a Mad Hatter Tea Party), I find myself feeling really nostalgic about the summer. It went by fast, but it was full of blessing. I am more than satisfied.

We spent a lot of time on the beach, in the sun. Sophia learned to love the sand and the waves and will run into the ocean now, instead of needing us to carry her and let her just touch the water from within our arms. We picked wild blackberries there, and spent many hours chasing wild bunnies into the blackberry bushes. We picked blueberries with friends at a U-pick farm, too! Sophia began saying "so many berries for us! means that the Father loves us."

Sophia started walking to our neighborhood park on her own two feet and fell in love with dandelions. She started to notice butterflies and we even chased one together. We took advantage of several neighborhood water parks and bought a little wagon with shovels and other sand-digging supplies. Sophia handled her first bee sting like a warrior, not even crying. And now she knows all about putting ice, stickers (band-aids), and special cream on her owies.

I've been totally defeated by my job search, but upheld by the prayers and gifts of family and friends. I once thought I would be "great" in some very important way -- as well as being a mother. Now I am most importantly a mother, and a wife, and not doing much else. This chapter/season has been confusing and humbling, and I want to move on to another, but I think it's probably deeply good for me, for our family, and for the Church.

8 July: DAY 4, The End. (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:50:00.001-07:00

This morning I woke up (at 8:30am) to Sophia yelling “Owies! Owies! Momma come change the diaper?” I thought that might be the “sign” I needed that we should continue on with panties and potty-training and turmoil. I got out of bed with a weight in my stomach but went to get her, planning to change her into a pair of panties. She was happy to see me and wanted to go play Legos immediately. I told her that we needed to change her diaper first. She happily said “Sophia gets to wear panties? Keiki ones?” Someone gave us a book on counting in Hawaiian and there’s a “keiki” in it (Hawaiian for “child”); when I identified the girl on Sophia’s new panties as Strawberry Shortcake, Sophia began calling her “Keiki” (short for Cake?). I told her that she needed to go potty first, and then she could put on her Keiki panties. She looked almost scared and said “No! No potty. No!” So I asked her if she wanted to just put on her diaper instead, so that she could pee in the diaper. She didn’t hesitate, said “okay,” and got down on to the change pad.

I was so relieved to start the day with a fresh diaper. This meant that we could plan to go to the park together, and maybe even the grocery store, like we used to (I can't believe I'm getting nostalgic about a trip to the grocery store!)! And I could relax and wouldn’t have to spend so many ten-minute blocks huddled on the bathroom floor next to her little potty, one arm around Sophia and the other supporting Are you my Mother? or I Have to Go! or Mr. Brown can Moo, Can You? or Once Upon a Potty. She was totally content to get dressed and go on with her day. And so was I.

By the time we were en route to the park, it was as if the last three days had never happened. We were back in sync, laughing and singing and totally relaxed. I was shocked when she got out of the stroller, took a few steps, and then stopped. I asked her if she was pooping and she said “yeah… pee pees.” And then she looked down at the ground between her legs, as if she was expecting to see the pee pooling there. My heart sank. She had learned something in the last three days! And just now, we undid it. The reinforcement she probably needed just disappeared. It was probably a big mistake to put the diaper back on today. I feel like I can’t trust my judgment on this at all. I feel so lost!

We played for a while at the park, but she was very clingy. She wanted to hold my hand for everything. Since we started potty-training she’s been more clingy around the house, too. And she asks Ben for me, which is shocking, as she totally adores him and can’t get enough of him usually. I chose to take note of the change, but not dwell on it and enjoy the time outside to play closely together. As we were leaving the park, I noticed a large yellow butterfly flying near the path. I pointed it out to Sophia and squatted down next to her stroller so that our eyes were at the same level. We stayed like that for several minutes, taking turns pointing and exclaiming “it’s coming to us!” She said that she wanted to catch it and hold it and she asked me to get it for her. Something about the beauty of that moment made me want to burst. It was as if time had no meaning and the butterfly had called us to join in an unimportant and yet deeply good dance. And Sophia and I were on the same side again. We were watching, sharing, loving together. I got her out of her stroller and we chased the butterfly a bit, walking around in circles, looking up instead of looking where we were going. We let ourselves get lost in the beauty and it felt like perfect freedom… freedom which ended abruptly when Sophia said “Sophia needs carrots. Go home?” But I was reset and re-filled and somehow rested.

There’s been no more talk of panties today, but at a couple of diaper changes Sophia has insisted that she wanted to go potty, so we let her run to her potty, bare-bottomed, and sit there with her books by herself for a while. Eventually she’d say “all done!” and wash her hands and leave her empty potty to come back for her fresh diaper. A few times she announced “Sophia has gasses!” and I thanked her for telling me, and warning me before they came out. I still don’t feel totally good about going back to diapers, but I feel much better than I did when I was fighting with her to use the potty. There must be a better way to do all of this, and I’m determined to seek it out before our next try at this. Maybe it will be a gradual thing… maybe Sophia will show us a gentle way. Or maybe I’ll find some strength somewhere.

A couple of nights ago I read the two-page section on Toilet-training in our copy of Parenting with Love and Logic. It made me feel better and worse. Better, because they described exactly what Sophia was doing, so I don’t blame myself as much for Sophia’s behavior – it seems to be quite common:

All that hassle just getting kids onto the potty chair? Then when we get them there, you’d think they’d go, right? Think again. They sit there for a few seconds and then stand right up, declare, “All done!” and head off to the corner of the living room and do their dirty work there.

Worse, because their solution – to keep things happy and light – is what I’ve already been trying to do, but it isn't helping her to pee in the potty. Maybe Sophia can tell that I’m faking it. Maybe I should have a shot of whisky every few hours just to keep things loose and light (just kidding!). I honestly think the best solution for me would be to go camping for a week – or to a friend’s farm – and let Sophia run around naked, getting used to pee running down her legs and how it feels just before that happens.

I don’t know why this whole process is so upsetting to me… maybe it’s the first thing that I feel like I really can’t help her to do…? I remember feeling like I couldn’t teach her to sleep, either. But I could close my eyes, slow my breathing, and try to lie absolutely still – and tell myself that she’d follow my example. I’ve been peeing on the potty with her, but that doesn’t seem to help at all. I’m hoping that taking some time off will be good for me, and in turn, be good for her. I’ll update you as anything potty-related comes up -- or down, as it were.

7 July: DAY 3, I cheated. (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:49:00.001-07:00

Sophia usually wakes around 6:30 or 7am, when Ben transfers her from her bed in his office to our bed with me. Sometimes she goes back to sleep with me, but never for more than 30 minutes. Well, this morning Ben left for work around 6:30 and Sophia and I slept in. In fact, she didn’t get out of bed until just after 10am! I think all of this potty-training is taking a lot out of her. When I finally got her up, I let her play for 5 minutes in her diaper before I caught myself and made us change her out of the diaper and into her panties. She was happy to do it. She had pooped in her diaper, so that lent a certain urgency to the change.

I’d wanted the goal for today to be for her to announce to me earlier on in the flow of the pee that she needed to go potty. Instead, after her first pee of the morning she looked down and said “that’s okay, that’s okay, Sophia. That’s okay.” So I repeated that back to her and then we got her a fresh pair of panties and wiped her legs with a damp cloth. Do I need to be firmer? Do I need to start saying “oopsie!” when she pees on the floor? I’m so afraid of making this time traumatic that I I’m afraid that I’m not giving her enough guidance, or setting boundaries for her in a helpful way. I mean, for her whole life, I've been telling her what to do and when -- even giving her words to express her fears and delights ("are you nervous about the slide?" or "this peanut butter is good stuff, man!"). I wonder if she's expecting me to guide her at the same time that I'm expecting her to guide me/us.

After she peed on the floor -- and I assumed she was empty -- we got her dressed and in the stroller and went to the coffee shop across the street (we get free drinks there because Ben works at their other location at school) to get me a coffee and then came straight back home. Today is the warmest day we’ve had all year, so I thought a cool bath was in order. She took a long bath (I encouraged its length as we were both blissfully unaware of her pee while she was in the water), and when it was over I put a diaper on her in preparation for her nap. But I’d forgotten that since she slept in so late, she wouldn’t be ready for a nap at the regular time. So I let her play around the house in her diaper for an hour before she went down for her nap (in her diaper). That was bliss. I felt like I had her back for a while…

I’m totally glad that we used cloth diapers – no regrets at all. But I have to say that I’m no longer convinced that cloth diapers will make potty training any easier. I think it probably makes the whole process harder. For Sophia’s entire life, she’s been peeing on cloth and feeling the wetness against her. So now, when she pees in panties, it doesn’t bother her at all. As far as she knows, she’s just wearing poorly-performing diapers.

...

Ben's putting Sophia to sleep now. I'm thinking about the day, trying to identify something, anything, that I learned from today's messes... I am so ready to give up. The only thing that went into the potty today was a bit of poop that landed there after having come out into her panties. I noticed that all of sudden she'd stopped talking or moving and was sort of shaking, so I asked her if she was pooping. “No.” I told her that I thought she was and that we should hurry to the bathroom so that we could get some poop into the potty. She wouldn’t budge, so I carried her there. She let me pull down her panties and she tried to sit, but by then I saw the poop and didn’t want it smeared all over everything, so I helped her to sit on the potty. It fell off in there and she stood up and said “all done!” She was so proud of herself. So I celebrated her and told her that I was so proud of her, too. Then she wanted to dump it into the potty. Smeary, gooey poop got all over the place.

Eventually, though, we got all cleaned up and a fresh pair of panties on. I decided to give her a smartie (candy) as a reward. Only 2 days ago I thought that was bribery with food and therefore a terrible idea. But I was spent. I was willing to try almost anything in order to get even a small sense of accomplishment. I told her that I had a special "pooping treat" for shen she pooped in the potty. She was really excited and kept saying "treat! treat for Sophia! treat for Sophia pooping in the potty." She hated the smartie. She spit it out and wanted to flush it down with the poop. Oops. I’m pretty sure we’re regressing here. So I think we should stop. We’ve given it three full days and we’re farther back than where we started. I am relieved, though, that she didn’t want to put on a diaper tonight to sleep in. She still wanted her panties. It didn’t take much to get her to lay down for her diaper, but still… I’m glad she still likes panties. We’ll see how we feel about it all tomorrow, but I’m ready to be done with this. Maybe we can start again after she turns 2 – that’s only 2 months away.

6 July: DAY 2, I love Diapers. (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:48:00.001-07:00

I never I thought that I’d be the one wanting Sophia to go back to diapers (I’d expected it to be Sophia, if anyone). But I do. I miss them so much. Before we started potty training, Sophia was my little buddy. We played and enjoyed life so much together. I felt like we were a team – a winning team who could conquer the world (we’d already conquered nursing, eating solids, crawling, walking, sleeping through the night [she still does 12 hours uninterrupted every night!], painting with a brush, recognizing and drawing shapes, walking unaided in the shallow end of the pool with the water up to her ears, singing, and so many other challenges). I really thought that she was the smartest, most capable little girl that had ever graced the earth.

But now I feel like I’ve lost her. We’re not communicating well. I feel like we’re on opposing teams. I feel like she doesn’t trustme, and I know that I don’t trust her. It’s almost like the honeymoon has ended and now we’re learning to really love and trust each other. But I miss her so much. I miss the sweetness of everything she did and everything we shared. Now it seems like most of our time together is spent in some kind of struggle, no matter how I try to make things light by tickling her and singing and being silly – there’s just a heaviness in our midst. And every moment I’m sure that she’s about to pee somewhere.

She pooped in her panties today and as she did it, I asked her if she was pooping. She said no and made herself walk and play normally (when she wore diapers, she would go stand in the corner, relatively still, until it had passed). But today she lied and tried to cover it up. Where has Innocence gone?

I’m trying to convince myself that we’ve made huge progress from yesterday. Every time she peed today (every 35-40 minutes – and it squirts and sprays – even through her panties!), she announced it to me. “Pee! Go potty! Sophia needs to go potty!” Of course it was too late because by the time I’d get her to the potty, she had no pee left in her. But at least she announced it loudly to me and knew she should go to the potty. I’d get her to the bathroom and then wonder what to do with her. Do I ask her to sit on the potty for 10-15 minutes while I read her books, knowing that there’s no pee left in her? I decided to just wipe the pee off her legs and then go with her to her bedroom to get a fresh pair of panties – and set the alarm to go off in another 35 minutes (and then go wipe up the pee on the carpet -- we love Folex).

I tried bringing the potty into the living room – in to the middle of her toys and activities – and she got very upset, wanting me to put it back in the bathroom. She even pushed it back in to the hallway. If she’d done that last week, I would have thought it was motivated by a sense of how things should be – the potty has been in the same place in our bathroom for over 6 months now, so she knows that it belongs there. But now I think that she hates the potty and wants it away from her fun space. I think it represents confusion, failure, and the opposite of safety to her. It’s only been two days and already I’ve turned the potty into such a dark thing. And this in spite of my being so intentional to make everything light and easy!

Somehow we’ve gotten into the terrible habit of hearing the pee-pee song play on my cell phone, going to the potty, getting her panties down (or off), sitting there and reading books for 10-15 minutes without peeing, and then putting the panties back on and going out to play only to have her pee moments after we settle into playing. Is she just stressed out by the potty? She seems to hold her pee until she can tell that I’m not watching her intently. When she wore diapers, I used to let her play by herself while I went to another room and cleaned or cooked, or something, and would leave her alone (but in earshot) for up to ten minutes. Since we took the diapers off, I don’t take my eyes off of her for more than 2 minutes, for fear that I’ll miss a queue that she needs to pee. But somehow she can tell, and it’s when I’m not focused on her that she pees. Maybe it's me. I must be stressing her out.

I’m so afraid of that! I do not want her to associate peeing with stress. I used to wet my pants up through second grade and I want to protect her from that shame. So I tickle her while she’s on the potty and we giggle and laugh. And I read her books in really funny voices and I make faces in her books wink and blink by covering their eyes with my fingers – she loves that stuff. I sing to her in silly opera voices…

I’ve even decided to significantly lower my expectations and training goals. My goal for today was for her to announce to me loudly every time she peed. Goal achieved! The goal for tomorrow will be for her to announce that the pee is coming… we’ll see how that goes. One in five times she’ll say “Momma hold you! Owies! Owies!” when she’s about to pee. So now, when she says “owies” I rush her to the potty, only to find that she wants me to kiss her finger. Oh well… we’ll work on that tomorrow. Maybe, by Friday, we can get her to alert me in time to get her to the potty. And then, by Sunday, get her to let me take her panties off in time to get her sitting on the potty before the pee is out and down her legs? That might be too fast… we’ll see. Maybe my goal should have something to do with breaking the habit of peeing right after we’ve spent so much time on the potty…?

Recommendation 1: Let your kid be naked. Before we started all of this, we’d read of methods encouraging bare bottoms… and we were not okay with that. We finally decided that we would let Sophia wear a shirt and panties around the house, but if we left the house with her, she’d wear stretchy pants with an elastic waistband, to make them easy to remove in a hurry. But now I’m thinking that she can be naked at home and we just shouldn’t ever leave the house with her -- unless she’s in a swimsuit and she can just walk around outside and pee through it and then I can wash her legs when we get home (I’m only half-kidding about this one). Sometimes getting her panties off is a battle; sometimes getting her to put them back on is a battle. And we’re washing lots of panties in the pay-per-load machines in the basement each night… And sometimes she hides them while I’m washing up her potty. I’m pretty sure she’d rather be naked. I let her be naked for a few hours today and I loved it. I even let her go out on the balcony naked and help me water the plants. She peed on herself, announced it, and I asked her if I could wash off her legs and her shoes (rubber crocs) with the water from my watering can. She was okay with that, so I did, and we were back in business. No struggle over putting panties back on, washing the potty, scrubbing the floor, or anything. Just sunshine.

Recommendation 2: Prepare a week’s worth of food before beginning diaper training. I tried to steam some broccoli today, but in my efforts to keep things light and easy, got lost reading some books to Sophia on the couch and scorched the soggy broccoli and the pan. Cooking without a microwave while potty training is not easy.

I think I need to eat more dark chocolate. I find myself craving it. And I remember a lactation consultant telling me that to avoid post-partum depression, I should eat lots of dark chocolate. This whole experience reminds me so much of how strung-out I was for the first few months of Sophia’s life – trying to shower her with love and attention and peace, while feeling so overwrought in every other aspect of my life. Is this just how it is to be a mom?

When I came home from tutoring (an ESL student) tonight and Sophia was asleep in her bed, safe in her diaper, I felt this sense of peace wash over me. All is right with the world. Finally, we can all relax.

2010 5 July: DAY 1, Disappointment. (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:46:00.001-07:00

What a hard day. I’m so sad and disappointed. She pees on herself and doesn’t react at all. Just keeps playing without saying a word. And by the end of the day, she would say “no! no! no!” when I asked her to sit on the potty or take off her panties. It was a struggle sometimes, too, to get her to put her panties back on. I can’t believe how hard this is! I feel like I did in the first months after she was born, emotionally and physically exhausted. My throat is hoarse from singing songs and cheering. And I feel like we haven’t taken any steps forward – only backward.

At first, she wanted to wear every pair of panties we’d bought and it felt like she was peeing as quickly as she could so that she’d get to go through each pair as fast as possible. I set the alarm on my cell phone to play a fun song every 20 minutes. I gave her lots of water, soy milk, juice, whatever she wanted to drink. The alarm would sound and we’d do a fun/silly dance to the bathroom, giggling as we went to the potty. She’d sit there and I’d read her books for about ten minutes. Then she’d say “all done” and we’d pull up her panties (she gets the front and I get the back) and go out to the living room, where she’d start to play and then promptly pee on herself without saying a word. The next time the alarm would sound, I’d ask her if she needed to pee. “No.” So we’d skip it. The next time, I’d tell her it was time to try and she’d dance with me to the bathroom, but then say no about taking her panties off and would lock her knees and refuse to sit on the potty. But she was peeing every 35-40 minutes, mostly on the floor.

She peed in the potty 3 or 4 times and I was so proud – and so was she! She’d whisper “pee pee” as soon as it started and then stand up and empty her potty into the toilet. All day long I was wondering if she was just too young for this and if I’d become one of those pushy parents who makes their kids achieve milestones way too early… and stresses out their kids. I don’t want to be that at all! I honestly thought I was following her lead! But maybe we should just quit now and try again in a few months…? The thing is, she seems like she’s developmentally there. She’s smart and she knows all about the process and her body parts… it’s just not connecting somehow. But it’s only the first day…

Welcome to Our Potty-Training Blog!

2010-08-25T19:45:00.001-07:00

We hope this will be very short, but in case it's not, wehope you find it helpful -- or at least -- enjoyable. We have no ideawhat we're doing.

2010 4 July: DAY 0, Preparation (or, IndependenceDay?). (Jen)
For some time now (like 6 months), I've been thinking that Sophia was ready forpotty-training. She watches me go potty and narrates the whole process, frompulling down the panties, to drying hands on the towel. When we do laundry, sheasks where Sophia’s panties are, and she tries to put mine on her. And for thelast 3 or 4 months, every once in a while when we take her diaper off to changeher into a fresh one, she’ll say “Sophia go potty?” and we’ll tell her to “run,run!” She’ll sit on her potty and pee and exclaim “Sophia go pee-pee in thepotty!” And then we all do a happy dance for her. She even takes her baby dollsto the potty, sits them inside of it, tells me they are doing pee-pees, andthen cheers for them when she takes them out of the potty.

At Sophia's one-year-old check up, her nurse practitionertold me that it would be a good time to buy a potty for Sophia so that shecould get used to it being around and feel comfortable sitting on it. Wefollowed her advice, and several times we even brought her to the potty when wethought she was beginning to poop and she successfully pooped in the potty!She’s only 22 months old (in a few days), but I thought that we might as wellfollow Sophia’s lead and let her start wearing panties early. She seemed soready for it! In fact, for the last couple weeks I’ve been telling Sophia thatwhen she starts peeing in the potty instead of her diaper, she gets to wearpanties, and then I ask her if she thinks she can always pee in the potty andshe’s enthusiastic about her “okay!” Ben suggested that we make sure that wewere ready before we dove in, and I read a bunch of articles online, askedfriends and relatives for advice, and felt sure that we were ready.

So, on Friday night, we told her that we were going to gobuy panties tomorrow. She talked herself to sleep, saying “panties! Yay! Sophiagets panties tomorrow! Yay, panties!” On Saturday, we went to a consignmentshop and found 3 unused pairs of panties on sale for $2 each. The salespersonput them in a special bag just for Sophia to carry and Sophia was bursting withsmiles and exclamations of “Panties! Sophia gets to wear panties!” as we walkedback to the car. As we drove to the mall to get more panties, Sophia wassinging all of her favorite songs, with the word “panties” inserted in place ofother words. We ended up finding bags of panties at Zeller’s (kind of like aCanadian version of Target) for cheaper, like 9 pairs for $6. Sophia was muchmore interested in the “moving alligator” (escalator) than in the racks ofpanties, most of which were too big for her. So I dug through the messy racksand found 2 bags of Strawberry Shortcake panties in a size 2, a bag of Fruit ofthe Looms in a size XXS (2-4), and another bag in a size 4. She told everyoneshe saw in the store that she was going to ride the alligator. So we rode it.And then she started telling everyone that she was going to wear panties.

On the drive home, she was putting the panties on her head,her arms, her shoes… and telling me that she was wearing them. She was soexcited. When we arrived at home, she showed them all to a very excited Papa,who explained to her that she couldn’t wear them until Monday because we neededto wash them all and let them dry. She pondered for about a minute and thentook a pair to the bathroom, climbed up her steps to the sink, asked Ben toturn on the water, and started washing her panties in the sink. She told himshe needed soap, washed them some more, and then told him that they were clean,so she could wear them. We were so happy for her and we were beaming with prideover how smart she is! Ben explained that they needed to dry first, so sherubbed them on the hand towel in the bathroom for a while and then declaredthat they were dry. Ben showed her how to wring the water out of them in thesink, and then hang them up on the back of her chair to dry. That seemed tosatisfy her. And she switched to telling us that on Monday she would wearpanties all day long.

On Sunday night, after putting her to sleep, Ben and I saton the couch together with a laptop, researching and making a list of what wethought we’d do… lots of things (I may update this entry later with that list,just for laughs). We thought we were so ready. I couldn’t sleep the whole nightbecause I was so excited.

8 December: Unto Us a Child is Given. (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:43:00.001-07:00

She’ll be 3 months and one week old tomorrow. As I look back at the photos of Sophia’s birth, and see our timid postures, I wonder why they ever trusted us with this innocent and fragile little girl. We look … happy… I guess. And tired and totally uncomfortable.

Near the end of our 38.5 hours of labor, after two applications of hormones to my cervix, after a 10-minute long contraction (the pain from which made my body shiver and my teeth chatter), after water breaking at home in bed and then all over the bathroom floor, after an epidural and an IV put in twice, after throwing up at least four times, after having all kinds of tubes and monitors and wires put up into me by various different doctors (one fetal heart rate monitor actually gets screwed shallowly into the baby’s head, and if it’s done poorly the first time, a different OB will come in and take the first one out and screw in a second one), after losing track of her heart rate, and finally, after learning how it felt to push successfully (much like pooping), Sophia’s head was out. I had been hearing the cries of other newborns for almost 24 hours in the delivery wing of BC Women’s Hospital. Each new set of cries signaled miracle and life and hope. I had been longing to hear the sound that meant that she was out, and that her lungs were okay. I think I didn’t really believe that I had a person inside of me, and I wanted that proof. Between contractions I had asked Thea, our midwife, if Sophia would be able to make any sound when just her head was out. Nope – she can’t make sounds until the fluid in her lungs is squeezed out, as happens in the process of a vaginal delivery.

They’d set up a mirror on a stand, with a bright light, so that I could watch our progress. I’d been looking at the wet, wrinkled, white top of Sophia’s head for what felt like hours. I had even reached down and touched it. But it felt so foreign, so unlike a soft baby – more like an internal organ. And for a long time, it didn’t seem like it was even moving. It would come out a bit and then get sucked back in. But Thea, the nurse, and Ben were all assuring me that I was doing a wonderful job of pushing. I kept pushing and catching my breath and looking in that mirror. Eventually, I ran out of tolerance for the pain. I took that as encouragement. After I saw blood in the mirror, I stopped looking. I just focused everything on pushing.

To be continued… Ben just set the table with black bean soup for lunch (we’ve been saving by having soup everyday except Sundays).

6 September: 39 weeks and early labor. (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:41:00.000-07:00

The anticipation is definitely building -- last night felt like Christmas Eve, when you can't really make yourself sleep, but you know you need to... and today feels like Christmas Eve all over again! :)

Here's a brief summary of the last week:
The OB to whom we were assigned ordered lots of tests. One of the tests was to determine if I have gestational diabetes. I'd done a one-hour test many weeks ago, which I passed. But polyhydramnios is most often associated with diabetes, so he wanted me to do the 3-hour fasting test Friday morning. For some reason I really do not want to find out that I have diabetes -- and that it could hurt Sophia. I started feeling really guilty that I might somehow be hurting her, and I spent almost all of Wednesday in tears over this.

Thursday morning we had the non-stress test (everything seemed normal), followed by a quick ultrasound to measure the fluid level in there again -- it had decreased slightly since Friday of last week! Thursday night we received a call from our OB saying that after seeing the ultrasound he'd decided to see us Friday night, as opposed to waiting for our appointment scheduled for Monday night.

So Friday morning we did the 3-hour glucose tolerance test -- not fun at all! I wasn't allowed to even drink water for the 3 hours! :(

Friday night we met the OB at the hospital, he examined me, and recommended that we induce the birth in the hospital. My cervix was dilated to 1 cm, was short, soft and angled well for delivery. All of these are signs of early labor, so the conditions were perfect for induction. Ben, the OB, and I decided that induction asap sounded good, so he put us on the list at the hospital. The hospital prioritizes the list based on the needs of the other mothers on the list, and the OB said that we'd be somewhere mid-way down the list. So, as of last night, we're just waiting for a call from the hospital to tell us to come on in and be induced (this should be just a shot of pitocin to get the contractions started, and then a regular labor and vaginal delivery)! It's soooo hard to wait!!

Ben just finished installing the car seat, our bag is packed, and we're just waiting -- trying to save our energy for labor.

We have everything we need except diapers -- they're scheduled to be delivered on Thursday, September 11th. So we think we'll just use disposable diapers until the cloth ones come on Thursday.

30 August: Sophia, the Swimmer. (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:40:00.000-07:00

That's right -- she has extra liquid in there, and she's taking advantage of it! She moves around all the time -- and I pee all the time!! It's strange to share a body with another person -- somehow more so now that she is considered "full term". Whatever happens to me happens directly to another person. So, now that I have this "polyhydramnios", it's her problem, too. And since he loves us so much, it's Ben's problem, too. We've had some difficult conversations lately about trusting the Father, cesarean sections, and how to care well for each other in the choices we now have to make. All of a sudden all of this got a lot more serious.

21 August: Crib bumpers are bad. (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:39:00.001-07:00

Ben and I had our pre-natal class yesterday. It was excellent and we are sooo glad that we did it. I have lots more to say about it -- later. For now, I just want to make it known that crib bumpers are "dangerous" -- we had no idea that this was even a possibility. In fact, we didn't want to spend the money to buy them, but felt we had to, for the safety of the baby. Now we have to take them off... ARGGG!!!

19 August: Birth Planning. (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:38:00.002-07:00

First of all, let me note that it seems like a lot of my friends are pregnant now -- like they planned it this way. I have 3 friends trying to get pregnant (and I still sometimes wish I could put my belly on them and be free of all of this responsibility and weight -- especially because it can be such an emotional and difficult time for them). The following friends of mine are currently preggers: Jen McAlister; Elisa Leahy (she had no idea she was until a few days ago, when she found out that had already completed the first trimester!); J (this one is still a secret); Megan Jenkins; Katie Sampson; Paula Headley; Jamie Headley; Sarah Schmidt-Lee; Haley Storey; and probably more who I can't remember at this moment. These friends have newborns: Sarah Gackle; Elizabeth Sartor; Paisely Forrester; Joy Hemmes; Jen Cairns; Magali Lerasle Girard; Carrie Robinson; Jessica Stearns; and probably more... :)

Now, for our birth plan. We had our "birth planning" appointment with the midwives today, and I have to say that it was much less momentous feeling than I'd anticipated. Other than deciding on the following, the rest of the decisions can and will be made in hospital -- depending on how things are going: will we use active management for delivery of the placenta? use anit-biotics on her eyes? use vitamin K to help prevent damage from internal bleeding in her? That's all... We have our pre-natal class tomorrow -- it's a 6-hour class in our home with just Ben, me, (Sophia,) and the instructor. That should make it all feel real. Oh, and Ben set up the crib on Friday -- it took over our bedroom completely -- just like she'll do with the rest of our lives, I'm sure. Oh, and we need to start trying to find a pediatrician for her. She'll need tet her vaccinations 8 weeks after she's born.

Here's a photo update on my belly:

8 August: "Tickling" and TUMS and taking more blood. (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:38:00.000-07:00

At our last visit to the midwives, they were still detecting low levels of protein in my urine, so they sent me in for more blood work on August 6th. I had my blood drawn last week, too -- to test my hemoglobin level. Last week it was at 120. This week, after taking iron supplements, mine is at 118. This is not something to worry about at this point. And my kidneys, etc. are totally fine. Yay!

I've been having pretty brutal heartburn all day long lately. I've found that if I eat, food seems to calm the burn... but sometimes I just don't feel like eating anymore (especially given that I now weigh more than 200 pounds!), so I take TUMS. Unfortunately, though, the label on the back of my bottle of TUMS says that pregnant women are supposed to take a max of 5 TUMS per day. Now that's a pretty big bummer, as I have to take them 2 at a time for them to tame the burn. And I can count on some burning burps a few minus after I go to bed, so I have to save 2 TUMS for bedtime. I have to say, though, that am super-grateful that I can take them at all -- they work like a charm! :) Ice cream works, too, but not for very long, and I don't want to take 5 servings of that a day.

Sophia is now absolutely huge. I have no idea how I'll get her out of me -- that alone will be a large miracle. People keep asking me if I'm having twins. I hope that means that she's ripe and will come out sooner than later. When I was in the waiting room at the lab to have my blood taken again, another pregnant woman and I started talking about our shared "condition". She asked if I knew why people say that babies "tickle" the ribs of their mothers. Nope. I have no idea. There is NOTHING funny about the feeling of her jabbing my ribs, stretching out my rib cage, and leaving no room for my bra between the top of my belly and the bottoms of my breasts (which, by the way, look really small now, in comparison to my huge belly -- it's a strange thing). I have never felt tickled by her -- just poked. I do feel tickled, though, by how I walk lately -- swinging both arms and waddling.

27 July: Two mean tricks played on pregnant women. (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:37:00.001-07:00

Another mean trick is to design most maternity tops and dresses with large ties that go around the top of the belly, just under the breasts. No doubt this is supposed to be "flattering" or to help the clothing grow along with your belly. But, at this point, when sitting in any kind of chair is uncomfortable, having a large knot of fabric pressed into my back, against the back of the chair, is downright painful! The last week has seen me constantly reaching behind to move the knot away from what feels like a knot-induced bruise on my back. It's hard enough to find a comfortable position in which to sit; adding a large ball of tightly-tied fabric to the mix -- and at just the height where most of my weight is being supported by the back of a chair -- is neither smart nor kind. The shifting and sliding of my bra that happens as a result of the changing size of my breasts is enough to keep my hands constantly struggling with my upper back -- I don't need another thing to chase back there!

26 July: Sometimes I need a good cry... and a wedge pillow. (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:36:00.001-07:00

The other day Ben surprised me with a "wedge pillow". Wow! It's one of the best things ever invented for pregnant women. It's about a foot by a foot and shaped like a... well, a wedge. The thin edge goes under my belly (or ribs, if they're hurting more) and the thick end supports by belly. This has helped me sooo much! And it made our roadtrip much easier, as I put the thick end behind my shoulder blades and let it give my shoulders and back some support in our too-comfy seats in our car. I've had mixed results with my new body pillow (Ben's mom gave it to us -- thank you!!). Some nights it's exctly what I need, and other nights I end up pushing it off the bed. The hardest thing about it is that when I turn over to my other side (which is about once an hour), I have this big pillow between my legs and arms to turn with me, and then to reposition on the new side.

We saw our midwife on Thursday and she said that Sophia's head is still down (good news!) and that her body is facing my front (this will hopefully change as we near her delivery). She taught me to sit up correctly, too: when you're this big, you want to preserve the muscles on the front of the belly by not sitting up straight, but by leaning to one side and using your arms to push yourself up (I think the technical term for what I'm trying to avoid by doing this is "diastasis"). She's also concerned that I might have a slight infection in one of my kidneys (I have more swelling on my right side than my left and pain in the region of my right kidney -- which I learned is higher up in my ribcage than I ever thought it was). So I'm getting a test on Monday. We scheduled all SIX of our remaining appointments with the midwives. SIX! That's all. Wow. Then we're done. There's a very small part of me that's afraid of the pregnancy ending -- I think it's becuase I don't know what to expect and I'm afraid that I won't know how to do it well. But the rest of me is sooooo eager to have my body back, to get to know the little girl who is Ben-and-Jen, and to get to watch Ben love on his daughter. There is NO one else who I'd rather have raise my daughter.

13 July: OK, this isn't so fun anymore (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:35:00.002-07:00

We're almost exactly 2 months from the due date now, and I feel like I'm really ready for this to be finished. I have heartburn and burps several times a day; my stomach constantly feels tight -- like when you've eaten way too much, are constipated, and have bad gas and there's no more room in your skin for all that it contains; I'm now wearing incontinence pads everyday because I both feel like I could pee any second and have lots of vinegar-smelling discharge which used to soak through my jeans; I have a difficult time feeling comfortable -- ever and in any position; I am ultra-sensitive to feeling warm; I am always thirsty and hungry; I sleep in one-hour increments -- between major efforts at rolling onto my other side; I get headaches daily; I need naps daily; I'm emotional enough to cry every moment, and usually end up crying a lot about once a week; I have a hard time getting up from couches and deep or soft chairs; I feel nauseous about once every other day; love-making is awkward and uncomfortable and not enjoyable for me anymore; yawning hurts both my ribs and my belly -- a real pain when trying to make my ears pop as we drive through mountain passes; I have all kinds of off-and-on-again fears about our baby dying or being born with severe weaknesses; and Sophia never seems to move when we want her to -- like for a relative -- but moves when I try to sleep or pay attention in class or am trying to adjust my seat in the car. And, we have 8 more weeks -- at least. My older sister, Janna, was born 10 days late. Lord, have mercy on me!

We are visiting the Amundgaard parents in Kalispell, Montana this weekend. It's usually an 11-hour drive to get here, but we stopped a few times and spent the night half-way here. There were only 2 pillows on our skinny and firm bed in the motel, so Ben gave me his pillow and used a bunch of folded-up towels as his pillow. What a beautiful man! Still, I didn't sleep well at all. And it's proven impossible for me to sleep in the car. So we've been napping a lot since we arrived -- sad, because we came here to be with family, not to just sleep! For most of today, Ben and his parents sat outside on the back patio under an umbrella, sipping wine, and enjoying great conversation. But not me -- I was too hot! I had to go inside and lay down under the ceiling fan for most of the day. Bummer! But when I got up to leave the table after lunch and told them that I'm sad that I'm so sensitive to the heat, my father-in-love said something brilliantly encouraging: "But isn't it great? Your body's working like it's supposed to!" He's right; I really would prefer that my body produce some heat as it goes about supporting Sophia's development. It's much better than the alternative: that I feel cool becuase my body is no longer trying to support our baby's growth.

I have mixed feelings about the stretchmarks that are appearing on both of my hips. First, I'm surprised that they're there -- I thought they were supposed to go vertically up from my pubic area toward my head. But these look as if they'll be more horizontal, from my hips toward the top of my belly button (which is still an innie -- a flat and stretched innie, but certainly not an outie). There is a way in which I'm delighted to have the marks of motherhood already on my body. I also can't imagine having enough room for my child in my belly without some major stretching going on -- it's a miracle that skin stretches that much! But I'm having a hard time saying goodbye to the Jen that I used to be. I used to be adventurous and wild. I used to live without much fear. Now, however, I don't eat deli meat, sushi, or canned tuna because it might be bad for me and my baby. Now I don't get a pedicure at a salon because there may be harmful fumes there. Now I complain about a bed that's too firm and narrow. What's become of the laid-back, hard-core, adrenaline-junkie that used to be me? Will I ever play again? Be spontaneous? Go for long road trips? Is it right to wonder about just me? Maybe I need to start thinking of me-and-Ben-and-Sophia instead... And these stretchmarks will forever identify me as one on whom another's life depends. It's an honor. And it's new and scary and just not the me that I know.

There's a way in which this whole experience reminds me of the day that my brother shaved my head for me. For years I'd been very curious to see what my head looked like under all that hair. And I'd been curious to experience life and relationships from the perspective of one without golden locks. In a mirror, I watched Chad shave off all of my hair and then drank a beer with him and went for a swim in the lake with him to wash it all off. But then I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror by myself. My face was completely alien to me. That was not the face I expected to see -- the forehead was too high, my ears stuck out, my eyes were at the middle of my head. I cried -- not because I thought I looked ugly or something, but because I didn't look like me. I felt like I wasn't home anymore... I actually found great comfort in studying the freckles on my hands and the cellulite on my thighs -- those things were familiar and had been "me" for so many years -- they helped me to feel "home" again. Being pregnant, though, is different. My entire body not only looks different; it feels different, with new aches and pains. Most of it looks different, too (the midwife confirmed at our our July 8th appointment that I do have edema and therefore many parts of me are slightly swollen). I smell different. I crave and detest different foods than ever before. My memory is completely suspect. I can't do things for myself anymore (like bend down to plug in my laptop, shave my legs, etc.). I talk about totally different things now, like pre-natal classes and birthing experiences. Older women smile at me and I feel profound respect for all women I see who have children (I never really noticed them beofre!). It's not just that I look like an alien now -- I've actually become one.

1 July: A new sense of urgency (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:35:00.000-07:00

In the last 4 days or so, my body has developed a new sense of urgency. When I'm hungry, it's urgent. When I have to pee, it's urgent. When I need to sit or lay down, or put my feet up, it's urgent. If I'm getting hot or if the bed mattress is too firm, something must be done. I keep telling Ben that I feel prissy, and he keeps telling me that it's not being prissy -- it's what I need to keep me and the baby healthy. Our church sanctuary doesn't have air conditioning, so on Sunday Ben spent the entire service fanning me. You see, when I get hot (and we're having a mini-heatwave in Vancouver right now), it takes a lot to cool me down again, and bad things happen in the interim. I get a headache, I have trouble hearing, my appendages swell and my shoes get tight, and I lose my ability to cope with any of it (is this what "losing your cool" refers to?). So on Sunday we spent several hours driving around Vancouver to get an air conditioner for our little apartment. When Ben finally got it all set up in our bedroom, it was 88 degrees in there. Now it's much cooler in there, and I am SO grateful!

On Saturday, the temperature in our place was rising, so I suggested that we go for a little road trip up to Pemberton (3 hours north of us) to pick strawberries at an organic farm (http://www.northarmfarm.com/). We both thought it would be cooler up north, and it seemed important to get me out of the house. Well, the drive there was much cooler (we had the A/C on in the car), but then I had to pee. I've been feeling Sophia move in my pubic region lately -- and it's strange! -- but I had not yet felt her put the squeeze on my bladder. She chose the car trip to start this. As I've described already, my crotch is always wet lately, and now I'm always sweaty, so this adds to the effect of all of the discharge. Well, as we were driving, all of a sudden I felt like I was beginning the process of peeing on myself. I knew that I needed to pee, and told Ben, but I thought that I'd be able to hold it for at least anouther 15 minutes. Not so, it was as if I was peeing, like it or not. So Ben pulled over, I squatted next to the car, and peed. We were both sad for me, and it was hard to wipe and get up from the squatting position, so we thought we'd learned our lesson. Nope. It happened again on the way home. Since then, I've learned that at unpredictable times, I will just pee -- with only about 30-60 seconds warning. This makes me feel very brave for ever leaving the house. And even a little foolish for having started a summer school course which lasts for 2 weeks of 2.5-hour long lectures. So far I haven't had any emergencies in class, but I'm keenly aware that I may need to get up and hussle to the washroom in a matter of seconds. I try to sit in the back, on the aisle.

25 June: We visited the midwives yesterday... (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:34:00.001-07:00

My fundus (the top of the uterus) is now 29cm high/long (measured from the top of my pubic bone). The midwife also squished and mushed my belly and determined that Sophia is already in a head-down position. Now, this could still change several times in the next couple weeks, but once I'm 32 weeks or so, then we don't expect her to change position, and we want her head to be down, as it is now. I weighed myself and stuck the indicator strip into a cup of my pee, and for the first time my protein levels actually registered on the strip. So, the fact that there's protein in my pee could mean several things: 1) my kidneys aren't functioning well and I might be developing pre-eclampsia; 2) my pee was contaminated by the general discharge that is always on my female parts lately; or 3) some other, similar explanation. This was alarming at first, but since my heart rate and blood pressure were excellent, we're not worried at all. I'll be seeing them, and testing my pee, every 2 weeks now, so we should be able to catch anything early. Also, she told me other symptoms to be aware of for pre-eclampsia: a headache in the front and/or back of my head, blurred vision, puffy hands, head, etc.

I got the rhogam shot in my bum -- not fun, but at least I didn't faint. There are no kown side-effects. This is really happening. For the first time, we were able to hear Sophia's heartbeat with a regular stethoscope! Her heart rate is a healty 140 bpm. I think the reality of all of this is really setting in for us. If she were born tomorrow, she would need some care in the hospital, but my body is now ready to produce milk any time, and her body would more than likely be totally fine. I can't believe there's a fully-formed human in me! And Ben and I have decided to drop classes this summer, so that we can enjoy these last days of a 2-person family. We found a changing table at a thrift store the other day for $15. It's well-used, so we're hoping to paint it and get that set up in the next week or two (right now it goes everywhere with us, as it's being stored in our car). Oh, and I'm feeling MUCH better (thank you for your prayers and encouraging emails!!)! The midwife thinks that Sophia was just in a different postion that was squishing things around and she must have moved. My heartburn is basically gone, her movements bother me less, my swelling almost negligible, and as long as Ben and I go for walks, my back feels great and I sleep really well.

In a lot of ways I feel like I'm just in a phase of waiting now -- waiting for Sophia. But I'm also in a phase of preparation -- preparing our home, our hearts, our finances... And I'm in a time of savoring -- our first anniversary is less than a month away (July 20) and Ben and I are both recalling some of our favorite memories from the past year to each other. Last night we cuddled in bed for a while and remembered our first kiss. In some ways it feels like those were different people, like teenagers in love, wild and free. In other ways it feels like that could have been just last week, and there's no way that we're about to have a baby join us in our wildness. I pray that we will be good parents, and good lovers/friends, and be able to really enjoy these amazing changes even though they seem to be so tightly packed.

17 June: Recovering at home (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:33:00.003-07:00

My first piece of advice: don't try to travel to warm places by airplane after your second trimester. Ben and I are back in Vancouver, after our fun-filled trip to Texas.The visit itself was wonderful -- and it was more than full of love and gifts, good food and family, friends and laughter. The weather, however, was really hard on me. The longer we were there, the more swollen my face, hands, and feet became. I think that was mostly due to the weather, but it might also be due to the fact that I was waking up earlier, staying up later, and skipping my afternoon naps in order to meet with friends and family. I think I'd make the same choices again, but they really took their toll on me.

On the airplane to Houston I experienced my first real discomfort -- my calves started feeling achy and stiff, and when I tried to get my feet up, there was no room -- and I noticed that my feet were swollen -- my previously not-tight shoes had left imprints in the tops of my feet. I had a really hard time getting comfortable in my seat, so I never really slept. My shoulders felt squished and tense, my lower back ached, Sophia was poking out of my sides (a new trick for her!), my ears wouldn't pop, and my fingers were getting fatter and fatter. That was bad, but what was worse was that I never really got any better -- i think the heat and lack of sleep just killed me. Oh, and Sophia started waking up at 7am (Houston time -- that's 5 am in Vancouver) every morning to do a little dance. Oh, and my belly must have grown a lot on the plane, too, because when I put on the new dress I'd gotten for our party, it was much tighter on me than it had been just 6 days before the party! Oh well... And my belly was really itchy the whole time I was there, but I was never alone for long enough to put on my thick, anti-stretchmark belly cream and let it dry before dressing. It's really hard to be a guest when you're also hosting a little baby.

Our last day in Texas we had Fathers' Day lunch with friends who are like family to me. It was great, but it was outside, and I think I got over-heated. I snapped at Ben, slowly was able to hear less and less pf the conversations at the table, and did other delerious things. We drove from there to the airport, where I felt like I was going to pass out. I sat down with my feet up, and Ben got me water and gatorade, but we were sitting there for at least 4 5minutes hoping that I'd make it. For a minute or two everything was blurry and I felt too weak to keep my mouth closed. But eventually I revived and we took things really slowly. That was really scary.

I feel much better now that we're home, it's 65 degrees outside, and I'm getting more sleep and naps. But I've been having lots of gas lately, and my ears keep popping. I also have found it really hard to bend down anymore -- I can't breathe while bent over, and if I bend to the side at all -- or twist much -- everything starts aching. I've even had to change how I wipe after using the toilet! Every time I get into bed I hear and feel my hips popping, and I definitely need a pillow between my knees and and one under my belly to sleep now. Even with pillows, though, my ribs hurt, or hips get tingly, or my shoulders get spastic. I hope it's not like this for the next 3 months! I visited a friend today who has a one-month-old baby, and she says that she LOVES not being pregnant anymore. I bet!

6 June: The results of the latest tests (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:33:00.001-07:00

Just a quick update: we're healthy! My glucose screen came back "normal" -- a 7.7 and below are considred normal, and mine was a 6.8. So we're clear there! And Ben's blood type is A positive and mine is B negative, so we've made preparations for me to get a rhogam shot as soon as we get back from Houston (well, June 24th, to be exact).

1 June: We watched her move last night! (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:32:00.002-07:00

That's right! She's now at least 13.5 inches long (head to toe) and moving a lot! Her movement definitely corresponds to my eating habits and she seems to move more when I'm laying down, so I try to eat my last bit at least 45 minutes before bed and to get in bed at least half an hour before I want to be asleep. As for her length, she's now so long that they measure babies from this point on "from crown to rump" as opposed to "from head to toe". Now strangers and everyone I see seem to acknowledge the life in my belly. This has to be one of the best times in pregnancy -- when the mom has energy, no varicose veins and swollen ankles yet, and yet is obviously pregnant.

The hardest thing about this time for me is realizing that after 3 months or so I will never again not be a parent. There will always be a child who needs me and will rightly demand certain things from me. Also, I am plagued by wondering if I'll be "enough" -- good enough, smart enough, healthy enough, able to produce enough milk, if there will be enough money, if Ben and I will be good enough disciplinarians and role models, etc. In a sense, I am sure that I will not be "enough", and that's a good thing. This is surely where faith and trust and the church come in -- if they haven't already! Ben and I babysat two kids yesterday and I quickly realized that even together, we're not "enough" to keep them happy all day while maintaining some focus on each other. When we left, I realized that we hadn't made eye contact more than a few times because our eyes had been focused on the kids, and when we arrived at home, I immediately crashed, waking only for dinner. Wow. Where do children -- AND PARENTS! -- get all that energy?! Here's hoping that we always live in a generous and loving community like we do now!

23 May: It's been a long time... sorry about that! (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:32:00.000-07:00

We've been quite busy lately, sharing meals with friends, running errands, learning more about baby things, making an apartment-sized composter, planting seeds (peas, beans, basil, and a lettuce mix), and getting home-brew supplies together (we're currently brewing wine, apple cider, and mead). The weather's been warm and wonderful, too, so we try to have our meals outside on our balcony with finches who have started coming to our bird feeder. They recently had babies, so they chirp all day long and we even get to watch the momma feed them: she crunches up seeds from the feeder and then flies down to whichever branch one of her babies is on, and drops the crumbs into its mouth. It's so beautiful to watch! Watching this momma reminds me of what I'm doing right now for our baby! She needs me to digest things for her. Crazy. It's a lot of responsibility, and a lot of work.

Lately I've noticed that if I don't take naps as soon as I feel tired, I get cranky and depressed. I think this is preparing me for understanding our daughter more. It's like I've become a two year-old or something -- and I have to tell myself to just stop and take a nap. I'm finally gaining wait now, too! I've gained about 13 pounds since we got pregnant, so I'm right on track! My fundus is 26 cm high -- still on the large side for this point in the pregnancy, but not a problem. The ultrasound located the placenta as just south of my belly button, so away from my back. This usually means that momma has a harder time feeling her baby because the placenta dulls the sensation of movement, but I feel Sophie all the time! She's a busy little girl. The ultrasound also measured lots of her "parts" -- she's pretty average so far, except her belly, which is large. So at some point they want to do a gestational diabetes screen on me. Also, my blood is type B negative. We just had Ben's blood drawn, but he's pretty sure that his is type A positive. This means that at our next appointment with the midwives (June 24), I will probably be receiving an injection of rhogam, so that my body won't develop antibodies against our baby in the case that she has Ben's positive blood in her. The decision to receive the injection is actually quite controversial in some circles, as rhogam is derived from someone else's donated blood. So many controversial decisions... so little energy to make them. So we're following the majority on this one.

With all of her moving and measurements, she is really feeling more like a specific person, not just "a baby", but a unique individual with her own unique characteristics and qualities. I keep looking at children who are two years old and younger, feeling a whole new sense of appreciation for their personhood. Humans are -- well, actually, all life is -- miracle.

9 May: She's becoming a real person to me! (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:10:00.000-07:00

Ben's been out of town for a few days, leaving me here to talk to... not myself, but to Sophie! Before Ben left, we were trying on names for our daughter, and the last one we picked was Sophia Grace. So I find myself talking to her a lot, calling her "Sophie". This name may not stick!!! But it's fun for now. It's fun because every once in a while I feel her move and I can pretend that it's in response to our "dialogue". It's strange how having a name for her really helps move her from being a concept to being a person. Another helpful thing for that is her movement. She moves a lot in church, so I can tell that she likes it there -- I think she must like the organ, or when the congregation sings... She moves a lot at night, too. And when I eat more during the day, she kicks more -- less, and she scares me because she moves so infrequently. All of that helps me to imagine that she has a personality -- and therefore a real sense of personhood. Here are some photos of me/Sophie's home that my friend, Melanie, took last night. She also did my make-up and hair.

3 May: Ben felt our daughter move! (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:09:00.001-07:00

Last night, after supper, we were reclining in the living room and I felt several strong movements, so I told Ben that I didn't want to annoy him (for the last week or so, I keep getting him to put his hand on my belly to try to feel the baby, but he never does), but maybe he might be able to feel her... so he came over and put his head on my belly. Not only could he feel her move, he could hear her -- like a small beat on a drum!! YAY! I was sooooo happy that he could feel our daughter, too! And he told her that he loves her so much and that he can't wait to see her and play with her. It made my heart light and glad. HOORAY!

3 May: Lament for fathers (Ben)

2010-08-25T19:08:00.002-07:00

Where are the fathers?
Our sons and daughters grow
Up to maturity to know
Mostly a mother’s touch

Pregnancy is a woman’s world
They tell me
Women’s books and women’s parties

Do fathers not feel
The sting of birth?

Do they not need advice
Encouragement? To bring a child
Into the world

Well?

I don’t know
Where fathers go
Maybe they do not go at all
Maybe this maternal world was not
Constructed with them in mind

But why then
Should we criticize
Them for daring not
To enter?

29 April: It's a girl! (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:08:00.000-07:00

We had the ultrasound yesterday and the whole experience was kinda a bummer -- I'll write more about it later. But it's just one, and it's a girl, with all of her parts in place! HOORAY!!

24 April: Prayer to St. Joseph (Ben)

2010-08-25T19:06:00.001-07:00

You’re not in the story much
We see you doubt, respectfully
Offer to hide your new love’s sin
Until an angel sets your mind to rest

This child is God?
Well, all parents think
Their children are wonderful
But this is more

A great burden you are asked
To carry: a wife you cannot
Know, the way you knew
Your first wife

A child you did not bring
Into the world the way
You did his brothers

But your staff
Full of white doves
Marked you as the one

Who would raise God?

You bore shame
For God
Bore blame
For God

You gave up all
Your rights and life
Because of Mary’s ‘yes’

What was it like
To teach
‘He through whom all things were made’
To build a chair?

Did it hurt you
When you found him in
The temple?

He said that of course
He would be in his Father’s house
Are you not his father?

Was it hard to give
This child in whom
So much was invested
So many hopes and dreams
For whom you gave up so much
Back to God?

Pray that I can do the same.

23 April: And two more things! (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:05:00.003-07:00

We had no idea how milk comes out of a nipple, so we finally asked a good friend. She described it as being like a shower head, with milk sort of spraying out of multiple places in the nipple. We were fascinated by that, so I had to share it.

And this morning, as I was brushing my teeth and spitting dark pink foam into the sink, I thought I should blog about "pink toothbrush". What to Expect suggests that a woman see her dentist at least once, if not twice, during pregnancy, because "The gums, like the mucous membranes of the nose, become swollen, inflamed, and tend to bleed easily because or pregnancy hormones. These hormones also make gums more susceptible to plaque and bacteria, which can soon make matters worse. ... Studies show that [periodontitis] increases a woman's risk of having a premature or low-birthweight baby and having preeclampsia... Another [danger] is the tendency for uncared-for teeth to loosen in their sockets during pregnancy (which explains the old wives' tale that a woman loses a tooth for each baby)." (181). I've only been experiencing pink toothbrush for a few weeks now, but Ben and I were both glad that I'd already read enough to know what was happening when my mouth seemed to fill with blood...

22 April: Tips and tales on buying bras -- so far (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:05:00.001-07:00

Ben and I had to make a crazy, last-minute trip to the States yesterday, to renew my passport -- it's a long story -- and almost were arrested at the border -- an even longer story. It did, however, bring us to the States, the land of cheaper oil changes, cheese, and bras. That's right. We went to TJ Maxx to get me another bra. Here's my story... Before we knew we were pregnant (5 weeks into it), my breasts were already very tender (my nipples would hurt when the water hit them in the shower!) and beginning to swell. I thought I had just gained weight over the holidays... Eventually they developed -- and still show -- a complicated interlacing of bright blue veins, visible even in my ever-enlarging and pinkening areolae (the colored area around the nipple). My nipples have changed dramatically, too! They're bigger in every respect and now seem to be made of clusters of translucent balls, much like a miniature raspberry. One breast seems to be growing and developing much slower than the other, but I'm sure that's "normal". In the second month, my bras felt very tight around my rib cage and I found that every time I breathed I wanted to unhook my bra (I think this is because as my uterus expands, it pushes my intestines up and into my lung region -- I've noticed lately that when I have lots of gas, the area above my navel gets really hard -- I think that's because my uterus is taking up the space below my navel and forcing everything into a smaller area). We decided that it was time to buy me a larger bra.

When Mom and Dad Amundgaard came to visit us in February, they bought me two XL sports bras to sleep in (I find it very uncomfortable to ever be without some kind of support -- and I've heard that wearing sleeping bras can help protect against sagging boobs). Those bras were so comfortable that they were all I wore for about a month; then I/the babe had a growth spurt and they no longer fit. A friend of ours, with a new baby, suggested that we buy a larger nursing bra and start using that now. So we bought one from Motherhood Maternity for about $35 -- it has padded straps and little hooks at the top of each breast to let one side down at a time -- cool. When we bought it, the woman helping us told us to make sure that I could fit my fist in with my breast, because my breasts could grow that much more before the baby's born. So we did -- and it's a little big, but much more comfortable than the other bras. I wore it everyday and sometimes nights, and didn't wash it for about a month. We decided it was time to buy me another bra so that I could at least trade out while I was doing laundry. My mom came to visit and bought me a pregnancy camisole with a built-in nursing bra. Now I sleep in the camisole and trade out between it and the bra when I do laundry. So I'm pretty well set. What to Expect, though, says that some women can expect their breasts to increase 3 cup sizes!! Mine have already increased one cup size and 3 sizes around my rib cage -- and my milk hasn't even come in!! The book also mentions that wearing underwire bras can cause mastitis, but I can't stand how my boobs look and feel without underwire, so everything I have bought -- and hope to buy -- has wire (except the camisole, which makes it comfy for sleeping in). I'll let you know how the wire thing goes.

That was the "tales" part; now for the "tips". With what I know now, this is what I wish I'd bought: one XL sports bra for sleeping in during the first trimester; one maternity camisole with built-in (non-nursing) bra to sleep in during the second trimester (one cup size larger than pre-pregnancy and 2 sizes larger around the rib cage -- and non-nursing camisoles sell at Target for under $20 whereas my nursing camisole was around $40 -- thanks, Mom!); probably 3 normal bras from TJ Maxx or Ross or the like (they're about $7 each at TJ Maxx, so I'd get one for the first trimester that's larger around the rib cage; one for the second that's larger in cup and rib cage; and one for the third trimester that's larger yet in both places); and then, about 2 weeks before the baby's due, I'd buy one or two nursing bras. Of course, I'm only about half-way through pregnancy, so I may change my mind on this yet, but that's what I'd recommend now.

P.S. I have another cold. Unbelievable!

16 April: Big Changes in the Second Trimester (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:04:00.003-07:00

I can feel the baby (or, babies?)!!! HOORAY!!! I first felt movement on Sunday, April 6th, but I didn't really believe that it was the baby. Ben and I had just had a big meal and were in bed for a nap. I felt something like marbles being pushed outward -- three of them. Then it stopped and I felt nothing until this past weekend. I kept thinking "it must be gas moving around, but I don't feel gassy!" Then, at our most recent appointment with the midwives, Monday the 13th, while we were listening to the baby's heartbeat, I felt that same gassy movement feeling and then the heartbeat stopped. She asked if I had just felt the baby move and I told her that I felt something, but didn't know if it was the baby or not -- and she said "that's it! That's your baby!" That made me soooooo very happy!! I usually only feel the baby once a day -- if that -- and it's usually at night when I'm trying to fall asleep. I can't feel the movements on the outside of my belly yet, but I still sometimes tell Ben to try to feel the baby anyway. He's so sweet and massages my belly and puts his head on it, and even kisses my belly! He's the best!!
Other changes include my feeling better overall -- no more cold! Lots of blowing my nose still (and lots of minor nose bleeds), but more energy and no more pressure in my ears, and no more coughing (that's the best part!)! I've also started to notice more blood in my body. When I get headaches, I can often hear a pulse -- the midwives said that this is very common -- pregnant women often claim that they can hear their blood flowing. CRAZY! On Sunday night I was on the phone having an extremely stressful conversation, and I could feel a strong pulse in my neck, then my chest, and then my belly. I guess that as my body went into "fight or flight" mode, all that extra blood overloaded my core! I was so worried that night and the next day that the stress might have hurt the baby, but the next day was the appointment with the midwives, and the baby's heartbeat was its normal 160 bpm, and my blood pressure was normal, too. Phew! I also find myself sitting a lot, and almost sighing when I sit down, like I didn't realize how tired I was until I let myself rest. BabyCenter.com says, to moms in their 18th week (like me), "Your heart has to work 40 percent to 50 percent harder now to support your pregnancy." No wonder I get pooped so fast! :)

Oh, and at our visit on Monday, the midwife said that the top of my uterus (the fundus!) was more than an inch higher that it had been the week before, and that its size is more on track with a uterus of woman two weeks ahead of me in her pregnancy (the fundus is now exactly half-way up my navel, so in the next couple weeks my "innie" should become an "outie"!). So she tried to listen for two heartbeats. She found strong heartbeats on both sides of my belly, but since they were the exact same frequency, she couldn't say anything for certain. Our ultrasound is only 12 days away, and boy are we excited for that! Oh, and even my maternity tops seem to want to roll on up my belly to rest below my breasts and above my belly. It's kinda fun to be able to feel the effects of the growth of my belly, but really annoying when I'm in public! :)

06 April: Growing pains and my impoverished immune system (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:04:00.001-07:00

I'm finally beginning to look pregnant. HOORAY! I feel like I've been suffering and have had nothing to show for it, until now. But along with this larger belly comes what the authors of What to Expect refer to as "growing pains". I'll let them explain: "the pregnancy equivalent of growing pains: the stretching of muscles and ligaments supporting the enlargening uterus. Most pregnant women experience these pains, which may be crampy or sharp and stabbing, and often are most noticeable when you are getting up from a bed or chair, or when you cough. The pain may be brief, or may last for several hours." (221) These pains started last weekend, when Ben and I were getting out of bed and as soon as I stood up, I felt a stabbing pain in the lower left side of my abdomen. I whispered "it hurts" and laid back down on the bed. Ben compassionately laid with me and comforted me, and after a few minutes I tried again. I thought it might be constipation or gas, but neither of those proved to be the cause. Later that day, as we finished with lunch, the same thing happened, and it lasted for about 30 minutes. Since then I get those pains on both sides, at least once a day. I now know how to handle them: move slowly and be willing to lay down as soon as they strike. They usually leave within an hour. While painful, these pains give me hope that the baby is growing well and that my body is doing its best to make a fitting home for our child. I still can't believe that I get the honor of carrying Ben's child. Wow.

Oh, and I've started gaining weight! By now I am supposed to have gained about 10 pounds; I rejoice, though, over the 2 that I've gained so far. I've been so sick -- especially in the last 3 weeks -- that I know that I've lost weight from fighting the fever, etc. Speaking of being sick, while I feel much stronger in this trimester than I did in the first, this trimester has seen the near decimation of my immune system. I am actually afraid to leave the house (except to go to church, which I look forward to each day of the week -- it feels so like home to us). I've had a cold since last Monday, with full on coughs and uber-thick green snot. My ears can get totally plugged, and the pressure in them and all up the sides of my neck can be extremely difficult to endure at times. My friend, Emily, emailed me the other day: "alas, those darn colds during pregnancy - and you can't even take anything. Actually, Jonah and I have had a pretty miserable cold the last couple days (we're on the end of it now) and as I took NyQuil last night I thought 'I'm so glad I'm not pregnant and can take this stuff!' I very distinctly remember boiling water and fresh mint quite often when I was pregnant. I would then sit over the boiling pot with a towel over my head to try to steam out the mucus (which I think your body makes more of during pregnancy)." The worst part, for me, is the coughing. During the day, they aren't so bad, but at night, they come out. Last night and the night before were infuriating. They just keep coming, and if I actually cough something up, I usually gag on it. Imagine me in bed, sitting up straight while my body shakes with cough after cough, then I gag and my eyes begin to water. Ben has a kind hand on my back, and prays that my illness might be passed on to him. Alas, it does not. So I close our bedroom door, take a shower (maybe the humidity will loosen something up?), and sit up on the couch coughing until I exhaust myself completely and fall asleep. In these times on the couch I fight strong temptations to just take some NyQuil or get drunk enough on wine to calm my body enough to get the rest it needs. Last night Ben came out to me at about 5:30 in the morning and begged me to come back to bed. I did, but I fear that my coughs ruined any hope of sleep that either of us had had for the rest of the morning. At one point I looked over at him and he had a pillow on his head. This morning he suggested that he sleep out in the living room tonight. I don't want him to, but I guess it might be "best." This is soooo hard! We're still newly weds!!!

03 April: Burps, bacon, and babies (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:03:00.001-07:00

I hate burping. Really. Not so much when other people do it, but I feel like my body is trying unsucessfully to vomit when I burp. So my whole life I've tried to avoid carbonated beverages. Why? Because they make me burp. Guess what one of the blessings of pregnancy is. Burps. Yuppers. The same hormones which cause my soft tissues to swell, etc., cause my digestive system to move more slowly. So I get "filled" at a meal much earlier than you'd expect, and I get heartburn and lots and lots of burps. Now that I'm into the second trimester, and have a much healthier appetite, I burp even more. Oh, what bliss! I am enjoying the appetite's return, though. And I can handle seeing raw meat again without gagging. I even asked Ben to make bacon for me last weekend, and he did and I ate a lot of it. I used to love bacon and I was afraid that I'd never be able to enjoy it again. This might seem funny to those of you who would love to be rid of cravings for such fattening foods. I would, too. But it's just so strange when your body starts acting so unpredictably. I started feeling like I wasn't myself at all anymore. So it's good to feel a little more like me again.

As for "babies" -- I am thinking about the plural now, not just one anymore. While I'm very hopeful (and pretty sure) of having just one baby in my womb, we did have an alarming visit to the midwives last Friday. My mom was visiting us last weekend, so I took her with me to visit the midwife, so that she could hear the baby's heartbeat live. The midwife thought that my uterus was much larger than normal for how far along I am... she was wondering about twins, but we won't find out anything for sure until the ultrasound on April 28th. CRAZY! We're hoping I just had a seemingly large uterus that day... hmmm.... but it does kinda put some of the planning and registering on hold... there are twins on both my side and Ben's side, so I guess it's not totally impossible...

26 March: Genetic Testing (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:02:00.003-07:00

It's strange to live, much less be pregnant, in an age with so much knowledge and so many options. You have to make decisions like "if we find out that the baby will have X (a problem), will we kill it immediately? Or will we hope that some medical procedure can cure it while in my womb?" Had my parents known that I would have a partially-clubbed foot, a shortened achilles tendon, and several bouts with pneumonia in my first year, would they have decided to just kill me and start over again with a clean slate? What if Ben's parents had known that his shoulders would be so broad that it would be impossible for him to pass through his mother's vagina? Ben and I just made the decision -- we actually didn't feel like we could have decided any other way -- to deliver our child no matter what we find in terms of genetic disorders. Furthermore, we've decided not to have the "Second Trimester Maternal Serum Screen" (aka "the Triple Screen") which would be totally covered by our Provincial healthcare. The Maternal Serum Screen estimates a mother's chances of having a baby with: Down Syndrome, Open Spina Bifida, and/or Trisomy 18. This was, strangely enough, a difficult decision for us. Ben is only interested in knowing of afflictions which would endanger my life, or are certain to end the baby's life before or at birth. I am, well, puzzled. I agree with Ben, that if delivering the child would pose a serious threat to my health, it might be best not to go through with it. But I'm not sure how "serious" the threat would have to be... and I certainly don't want to go through any more pregnancy discomfort than is "necessary." It just doesn't seem right to be able to choose not to carry our baby anymore -- no matter the reason.

12 March: Some things I don't recommend. (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:02:00.001-07:00

I've tried all of these in succession, and they have very bad consequences. Trust me; don't do them. 1] Get your nose pierced after having had only a venti americano for breakfast, when you're three weeks pregnant (this may cause you to faint -- twice, making awful seizure-like movements for your frightened husband and the piercer who has never seen anyone faint before). 2] For the next 2.5 months, continue trying to pick your nose, including the nostril which is trying to heal from the recent piercing. 3] Scratch the healing hole in your nose in the early morning (around 5:45 am), causing your nose ring stud to fall out of your nose and on to your pillow. Especially don't do this 3 days before 2 of your husband's term papers are due. 4] If you happen to do this, don't yell an obscenity and then turn on the bedroom light, walk to the mirror on the wall, and try to put the stud back into your nose. This may cause your husband some alarm (after which he will be unable to sleep and will just have to start his day 2 hours earlier than usual) and recall that putting that stud through your nose without having breakfast was a bad idea the first time you tried it. You just might feel faint, lay on the floor on your back (the supine!), and stay that way for at least 20 minutes, while your husband tries to coax (and assist) you back into bed, which, in retrospect, will seem as safe an option as the floor, but in the moment, the thought of moving will be abhorrent as you try to fight the desire to give up and just pass out. 5] Don't go through the whole day trying to ignore the empty hole in your nose, wishing that your husband would just take you by surprise and thrust the stud back into its hole before you have time to faint. It won't happen like that (especially if your husband treasures your trust), and giving the hole all day to heal creates a no-win for when you want to put the stud back in at night. 6] Don't ask your husband to just put it back in as you're going to bed at 12:30 am. It's not as simple as "put it back in" and if he's tired and you're tired, you're just courting disaster. Plus, it's not nice or smart to ask the one who loves you more than anything to thrust a blunt object into a healed hole, causing you to bleed and potentially causing the stuff of his nightmares -- spasmodic fainting. Nor is it nice to moan and yell and let your body shake with the pain he's causing you. Oh, and don't ask to squeeze your cute little lamby stuffed animal and make it look like you're trying to rip its head off. 7] Finally, don't stop him in the middle to ask him to take a tic-tac, insist that he give you a break while the stud is about half-way in, and then insist that he try again, after your nostril has been swelling for about 20 minutes. If you do this, you're likely to just give up around 2 am because you can't handle the pain anymore. And then you and your exhausted husband will have to try to find a way to sleep after all that trauma and your rejection of him. In short, just wait until after the pregnancy to pierce anything, and never ask your husband to re-pierce your nose without a sharp piercing implement. Just never ask him to cause you that much pain; it's not fair.

05 March: Avoiding the supine, and other vocab words. (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:01:00.003-07:00

First of all, does anyone ever use the word "layette"? I, for one, had never heard it until I started reading about preparing for babies. I googled it and found: A layette is a collection of clothing for a newborn child. The term "layette set" is commonly used in the United States to refer to gift sets of baby clothes. Nice; one down, many to go. At our last visit, our midwives gave us a large manila envelope of info pertinent to pregnancy. One of the booklets is about pre-natal fitness and yoga. This booklet, as well as many other books and websites, warns not to do anything in the "supine position". Why not? Well, it's the vena cava. Well, that's really helpful, ain't it? Oh, and when you sleep, you want to avoid the supine, as well. Same reason. I kept trying to make sense of these warnings without actually looking up the definition of the word -- surely, eventually, I'd be able to guess it from context. Nope. So Ben googled it: lying on the back; antonym: prone. What a fancy word for such a boring thing! Now, the vena cava... I got out our copy of Gray's Anatomy and did lots of reading (and looking at pictures). Wow. I think most of the knowledge in that book was gained from dissecting cadavers -- most of the illustrations show where the skin was folded back or cut open in order to reveal the organs studied. It's cool and creepy at the same time -- were some of those bodies illegally dug-up way back when?

Anyway, more of Gray's Anatomy to come. Until then, the (inferior) vena cava. This is a major vein (it carries de-oxygenated blood back to the heart) which runs parallel to and just inside the spine, or "vertebral column". It is primarily on the right side, I guess, so pregnant women are supposed to lay -- and try to sleep -- on the left side. Under Pathologies associated with the IVC, Wikipedia says "unconscious pregnant females should be turned on to their left side (the recovery position), to relieve pressure on it and facilitate venous return. In rare cases, straining associated with defecation can lead to restricted blood flow through the IVC and result in syncope (fainting). Occlusion of the IVC is rare, but considered life-threatening and is an emergency." Well, there are a lot of vocab words in that short snippet, but it's time for me to head to bed, where I'll avoid the supine (this might explain why I sometimes wake up with my hands or arms asleep, I guess. Good thing I now know what to avoid.). But now you know, if you find an unconscious pregnant woman in the supine position -- especially if she's on the floor in the bathroom stall next to you -- just turn her on to her left side and maybe consider dialing 9-1-1 if she doesn't seem to wake up after a reasonable time. Her enlarged womb probably just occluded her inferior vena cava, which blocked the flow of de-oxygenated blood from her lower body (and her babe) back up to her heart. Maybe, if turning her to her left side doesn't work, you should try elevating her legs above her heart -- but don't put her in the supine just to do that...

03 March: Lent, Advent, pregnancy, and weighting. (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:01:00.001-07:00

Now that we're a good way through Lent, I'll finally write down some of what I've been thinking about: Lent, Advent, and Pregnancy are (lengthy!) times for preparation, learning to wait, and strengthening our desire for deliverance. In them, we realize that we cannot and do not will to do what we ought. We are too weak. In short, we need to be delivered. That word, delivery, is pregnant with meaning. Forgive the puns, but the more I read these words, the more I love them -- how fruitful their usage might be, if we only knew them! I used to think of "being delivered" only in the sense of needing "to be delivered from our sins." This limited understanding has really impoverished my readings of Scripture, of poetry, and what happens in human reproduction. In September, when I (hopefully!) deliver, I will not only be delivered of a heavy burden, but I will deliver to my eager husband and family another one of them. I will deliver to the earth its priest. As Creation moans to be delivered, I will deliver one to it whose vocation is to voice Creation's praise of its Creator. My prayer is that our son (yes, we both want a son really badly!!) or daughter will grow in love of our Deliverer, that his life will be a long Advent in which he prepares himself and Christ's bride, learns faithful patience, and desires more than anything else to behold the beauty of the Lord. Ben and I (and our family and friends!) are now one-third of the way through the waiting, and there are clues all over and in me that our waiting is not in vain -- there will be a child. Father, make us ready for our delivery. Make these next 6 months fruitful. And may Your kingdom come soon! Amen.

A week after we found out we were pregnant, I started weighing myself every two weeks. That was Week 6. Now that we're into Week 12, I decided to weigh myself this morning. I've lost half a pound. How is this possible?! My body is, in all ways, larger than it has ever been before. And Ben and I have started taking long evening strolls together at least 5 nights a week. I don't think the walks can account for my weight loss, but at least they might mean that my weight loss isn't due to muscle loss...? For the first time in... well, at least ten years, I've stared eating buttered toast every morning; I've been consuming at least one avocado per day; I just finished a 750-gram container of "Mediterranean" style yogurt (18g of fat/serving); we eat homemade pizza at least once a week; and I try to eat not only when I'm hungry, but when I think I should be hungry! I guess I am doing a lot of work making this baby, and making my body bigger...? Maybe it's all the water I've been drinking lately...

02 March: The Churching of Women. (Jen)

2010-08-25T19:00:00.000-07:00

Ben just read to me from his 1899 (or earlier) copy of the Anglican Book of Common Prayer. On page 321, just after spelling out the service for "The Burial of The Dead", it spells out the service for "The Thanksgiving of Women After Child-birth; commonly called The Churching of Women." It begins:

The Woman, at the usual time after her Delivery, shall come into the Church decently apparelled, and there shall kneel down in some convenient place, as hath been accustomed, or as the Ordinary shall direct: And then the Priest say unto her,
Forasmuch as it hath pleased Almighty God of his goodness to give you safe deliverance, and hath preserved you in the great danger of Child-birth; you shall therefore give hearty thanks unto God, and say, ...

What follows is the 116th Psalm, about God delivering the one who calls upon Him in danger, and the 127th Psalm, about God the Father as the ultimate home-builder, protector, and provider. The 127th is the one often quoted about children being a blessing and a gift from the Lord. It's beautiful. What beautiful Psalms to recite as the new mother rejoins the Body of Believers! Then the minister prays: O Lord, save this woman thy servant; Who putteth her trust in thee. Be thou to her a strong tower; From the face of her enemy. Lord, hear our prayer. And let our cry come unto thee. Wow! I'd love for our priest to lead me in this. What a rich heritage we have! And what an honoring of child-birth and delivery. It is a holy mystery.

06 February: My Breast Friend (Ben)

2010-08-25T18:58:00.001-07:00

You may have entertained fantasies about the fun you'd have with your wife's growing breasts during pregnancy. Think again; they're tender, which means you can't really touch them and they soon outgrow any and all bras your wife may already own which means on top of all the other baby expenses, you need to buy new bras she'll only wear for a month or so. And if you like the busty look, you may be interested to know that after nursing, many women go down a cup size from their original. When it's all said and done, it may not be all its cupped up to be ...

06 February: You taste like donuts. (Jen)

2010-08-25T18:57:00.003-07:00

I can't explain it. Sometimes I kiss Ben and he smells or tastes delicious. Other times he smells like the salmon jerky he just ate and I can feel my throat prepare for vomit to pass through. I have to go immediately to a place with loads of fresh air. This poses another problem: it's 40 F outside (often snowing, too) and I can't get enough fresh air. I keep the sliding glass door to our balcony open for as long as Ben can stand it, offering him blankets before I'll consider closing the thing. Almost every smell (whether I used to like it or not) makes me either feel faint and short of breath or like I want to puke. It seems to follow then (and it does) that I have aversions to foods offering any kind of smell at all. So far, though, I've craved the following consistently: donuts, water, bread (the nuttier, the better) with butter, and frozen yogurt. Basically everything else has made me want to puke at one time or another. I do not like this new improved smeller at all; I stand convinced that as far as smells go, ignorance is bliss.

07 February: The kitchen. (Jen)

2010-08-25T18:57:00.001-07:00

I have mixed feelings about the kitchen lately. I am often hungry and I know that the kitchen holds what satisfies -- and prevents nausea. However, no matter how carefully Ben has cleaned up after preparing me something to eat, I can smell things in there... things must be rotting in the pipes, in the garbage under the sink, on the floor, or maybe in the sponge? And just the sight of leftovers (which crowd the fridge because I tend to lose my appetite mid-way through meals these days) can make me feel nauseous as well. I go in there to get a quick snack as soon as I begin to feel nauseous, but I'm immediately compelled to get out the Lysol sanitizing wipes and go nuts until I'm so fatigued that I forget why I'm even in the kitchen, instead of lying down in bed, where I should be. I'm reading through the "bible" on pregnancy, What to Expect When You're Expecting (I've received two copies from good friends so far), and they say that "in some ways, your pregnant body is working harder even when you're resting than a nonpregnant body is when mountain-climbing" (Murkoff, 114). Tonight, Ben and I watched a movie and I put up my feet on the couch... and began smelling my own foot odor. So I put on a pair of socks. It wasn't long before I could smell my feet through them! So I took the socks off and complained to Ben about my wet, sweaty feet and my over-developed sense of smell. He claimed that my feet were not smelly, and then he brought out a big bowl of warm, soapy water, and washed my feet. I submit that no pregnant woman has ever had it this good.

08 February: Four extra pounds of blood! (Jen)

2010-08-25T18:56:00.001-07:00

(I'm sipping on some Reed's "Original Ginger Brew" as I type this, trying to stave off more nausea. It's pretty tasty, and it seems to be working!) So I'm supposed to gain about 30 pounds -- at least, a "typical" gain is about 30 pounds per pregnancy. Only 7.5 of that is baby. Each of my breasts should gain 1 to 2 pounds -- ouch! My poor back... already hurts where my more-efficient kidneys are working over-time to make me pee more often and filter the 4 extra pounds of fluid I should be developing in my tissues. I should also be creating up to seven additional pounds of "fat stores" to be delivered to the babe through my milk (here's hoping my body will figure out that it already has plenty of "fat stores" and doesn't need to be creating any more). Interestingly, the muscle called my uterus should gain 2 pounds -- only 2 pounds!! And by the time I give birth, my uterus should be the biggest and strongest muscle in my body. Crazy. I should also gain 2 pounds of amniotic fluid (into which my kid should be able to pee in a few weeks) and 1.5 pounds of placenta. Oh, and 4 extra pounds of blood!!!

My body, which already faints so often that I was requested to not donate blood anymore, is now going to have to find some way of creating, circulating, and storing 4 more pounds of blood. Outrageous. It makes me think about Mary and Jesus and how His blood -- which atoned for all of Mans' sin -- probably pumped through her veins first. It makes those scenes in "The Passion" seem even grosser somehow. It's gotta be so hard to be a mom. Oh, and I was exactly 9 pounds when I was born, and Ben was exactly 10, so I'm not exactly looking forward to the whole last few weeks of pregnancy, nor the actual delivery... at least, not at this point. Maybe by then my body will have suffered so many other odd things, that I won't flinch at the thought... we'll see.

09 February: I'm finally drying up -- sort of. (Jen)

2010-08-25T18:55:00.002-07:00

I'm finally not having much discharge at all (Ben offered to post an explanation of discharge, so I'll let him do that), but I'm sweating all the time. Really. Multiple times each night I wake up to find myself covered in sweat. Most of the day I feel hot, and I start sweating if I "go for a walk" for more than about 6 minutes. Pathetic. I often feel like there's not enough air in the room, too. Humidity at all can make me feel ill, which makes the idea of a warm bath a lot less relaxing and romantic -- I'd rather stand on the balcony in my only nightgown that still fits. Oh, and have I mentioned the drooling? For some reason pregnant women develop excess saliva -- I have! -- and it tends to just drip out whenever it has a chance to escape my mouth. It's a very cool feeling to look down and notice that while you were pontificating to your husband, you must have also been drroling all over your chest and lap. Yah. Very cool. But the second trimester is supposed to be much better... Oh, exciting new vocab word: fundus, meaning the top of the uterus, or the hollow part farthest away from the organ's opening. Try to use that word three times in regular conversation today.

11 February: The "bi-manual". (Jen)

2010-08-25T18:55:00.000-07:00

The bi-manual exam (aka "internal exam") is now my greatest fear -- far above a fire, an earthquake, or even getting robbed. And I have to go in for it in exactly 7 days. Lord, have mercy. What To Expect describes the exam: "with one hand in the vagina and one on the abdomen and also possibly through the rectum and vagina" (Murkoff, 107). I have two theories as to why no one has ever told me about this: 1) it is so violating that most women block it out of their memories and honestly don't remember that it happened; 2) doctors tell pregnant women that if word of this exam got out, the human race might cease to reproduce and therefore they're morally obliged to keep it on the down low. My mom says that it was never done to her, but it might be because her pregnancies were over 30 years ago. Frankly, I think advances in science should promote things like sonograms, not bimanuals. Besides, the baby's about as big as a grape at this point -- what can one distinguish about a grape by squishing it with already-squished fingers while inside my privates?!! Ben's family raised beef cattle for a while and both Ben and his dad did this kind of exam on pregnant cows to estimate how far along a pregnancy was -- feeling for things like hoofs. Poor cows. I feel great pity for them and the many violations of their private parts. But I'm not a cow! And I don't ever want anyone sticking their hand(s) up my vagina -- nor my rectum! There must be a better way.

21 February: I feel like I have mono -- again. (Jen)

2010-08-25T18:54:00.001-07:00

Here's hoping that all pregnant women don't feel like I do right now. It's like mono: weak, dizzy, faint, nauseous, and terrible stuff going on with my intestines. There's a rumor that a stomach flu is going around. Maybe I caught it. Well, I'd better drink some more water and go back to sleep now... more later. Oh, and no bi-manual so far!

25 February: On mucus plugs and getting to know my kidneys. (Jen)

2010-08-25T18:53:00.001-07:00

One of the first signs that my body was changing was an insane amount of discharge -- almost like a transparent period. Yup, before my breasts began to swell, before I felt extra-fatigued, and within a week of missing my period, the mucus plug made its presence known. "What", you may ask, "is a mucus plug?" Well, it's just one more of those things they didn't teach us in Sex Ed, but should have. After that one special swimmer beats out all 5 million or so of his closest buddies and implants his head in an egg, the one who issued that egg seeks to protect it. So, basically, once my body knew that there was some fertilization going on down there, it sealed up my uterus by creating a big snot plug and wedging it in my cervix (the opening to my uterus -- kinda like the opposite of the fundus). And, get this: that plug is the only thing that keeps bad things out of, and the baby etc. in, my uterus! So some women think that jumping into a pool late in pregnancy could dislodge that plug and bring on disaster. This business of baby-growing is really precarious. No wonder God made us to like having sex -- we have to increase the probability that a fertilized egg just might make it for 9 months, protected by just a slimy mucus plug! Oh, and supposedly "passing" the plug is a sign that labor is about to begin. So, I noticed the plug being "built" in the first week, and now, 11 weeks into pregnancy, I'm noticing what every woman has in varying amounts: an increased amount of discharge. Yup, like I'm on a 9-month transparent period. No embarrassing stains, but still not cool at all. But at least my bladder seems to be working better than ever! In fact, I still don't get out of bed at night to pee -- I just hold it until I wake up in the morning with two piercing pains in my lower back (why do we say that instead of "upper butt" which is really more like it?) which can only be relieved by peeing. My poor kidneys. They're gonna be hating me by the end of this. But I really trust them now -- even more than my bladder!

2008 29 February: Some man-to-man advice. (Ben)

2010-08-25T18:42:00.000-07:00

I'm surprised that many married men don't pay enough attention to their wife's body and what it does. I don't mean just looking at or admiring it, I mean paying attention with a view to getting to know them. For example, I'm surprised that many men are not aware of the fact that many women have discharge most of the month - not just during their 'period.' That means their panties, and maybe even their trousers, are damp or moist for a good portion of their lives. How would you feel if you had to deal with that? You really can't change anything about it, but just knowing it will help you appreciate the potential frustrations your wife deals with on a day-to-day basis. Another example: get to know your wife's vagina (if she's comfortable with it, of course). Realize it's not just the place where you put your hmm hmm once and a while but a very intricate and delicate (not to mention fascinating) part of the human body. Jen and I have had a lot of fun with a mirror getting to know what's going on down there.

I wonder if for some men that part is either quite foreign (or even scary) or they associate looking at it with looking at pornography. It has been incredibly helpful for me to get to know it as another, albeit special, part of Jen's body. Or her breasts - get to know them - not as sexual objects but as, well, breasts! This has the effect of getting to know your wife as a whole person and appreciating her as such. And, it makes your sex life better. You have an idea of what you're actually doing. That reminds me of another thing - talk during foreplay and sex. If it messes things up for that particular time - who cares, you can do it again later. But as you talk you'll become more comfortable with sex and you'll both get better at pleasing the other (that's right - it's your job to please her, not yourself, see I Corinthians 7:4-5).

So why am I talking about this on a pregnancy blog? Well, first of all, I just want to say it, and I want to say it in a context that is geared particularly toward married people. But secondly, this 'getting to know her body' becomes immensely important during pregnancy. The reason is that your wife feels like she's going through a second puberty and doesn't even know her own body. If you're in the habit of getting to know the inner workings of her body, you'll be more sympathetic and helpful as she feels like she has to learn her body all over again. And she may be forgetful, which means that when she feels something she can't remember feeling before, but actually has, you can reassure her with 'remember honey, you already felt that.' - but don't lie just to make her shut up - the goal is to be helpful. Oh, and another helpful thing - read pregnancy books with her - it will help you and will encourage her to know that you two are in this together.

Introducing our (old) Preggo Blog

2010-08-25T18:30:00.001-07:00

Our Preggo Blog: The Dirty Details of Our Pregnancy

This blog was written on a different site, from February to September 2008; please accept our apologies for any date confusions.

It turns out that, just like sex, in pregnancy there are a lot of things that people just don’t tell you about until after you’ve fumbled through discovering them on your own… like “keep towels near the bed if you’re not using condoms.” Ben and I were shocked to learn about the messy, hard work involved in making love and we were surprised that no one really talks about that (update: the Church of England published a book on sex — check it out!). Similarly, we’re discovering things about pregnancy that we had never heard people talk about until now (8 weeks into pregnancy). So, if you can stomach the dirty details, hear our voice now.

*** If you are already offended (e.g. by the towel advice above), please stop reading now. ***

Our goal is to give you the scoop — with all kinds of interesting and curious details. We’ve had friends request this; if you’re not one of those friends, and you’d rather not know about things like what came out of Jen’s body last night, please don’t read on and then tell us how (even mildly) offended you are. Consider yourself warned… and get ready to laugh.

Books for Baby

2010-08-25T17:58:00.000-07:00

A good source for info on, and recommendations for, books for children is A Time to Read by Mary-Ruth Wilkinson (a theologian and expert on children’s books) and her daughter. Our favorite books for children include:

Also, we have nothing against used books at all — in fact that’s how we’ve acquired most of our “grown ups” library.

We’d love to have:

[anything by Maurice Sendak]
[anything by Margaret Wise Brown]
[anything by George MacDonald]
[anything by Oscar Wilde]
[anything by Beatrix Potter]
[anything by Shirley Hughes]
[anything by Nancy Shaw]
[anything by Dr. Seuss]
[anything by Rosemary Wells]
[anything by Kevin Henkes]
[anything by Arnold Lobel]
[anything by Jan Brett]
[anything by Peter Spier]
[anything by Paul Galdone]
[anything by Thomas Locker]
[anything by Chris Van Allsburg]
[anything illustrated by Barbara Cooney]
[anything illustrated by Barry Moser]
[anything illustrated by Peter Parnall]
[anything illustrated by Tomie de Paola]
The Friendly Beasts. Illustrated by Sarah Chamberlain.
The Rhyme Bible. L. J. Sattgast.
My Very First Mother Goose/Here Comes Mother Goose. Edited by Iona Opie and illustrated by Rosemary Wells.
Time of Wonder. Robert McCloskey.
King of the Wind. Margurite Henry.
The Baby’s Book of Babies. Photos by Anthea Sieveking.
Something from Nothing. Phoebe Gilman.
Sounder. William Armstrong.
To Every Thing There is a Season. Leo and Diane Dillon.
If Once You Have Slept on an Island. Rachel Field.
I am a Bunny. Ole Risom.
Johnny Crow’s Garden. L. Leslie Brooke.
We’re Going on a Bear Hunt. Michael Rosen. Illustrated by Helen Oxenbury.
The Maggie B. Irene Haas.
Tell Me a Mitzi. Lore Segal. Illustrated by Harriet Pincus.
My Mama Had a Dancing Heart. Libba Moore Gray.
Grandpa’s Face. Eloise Greenfield. Illustrated by Floyd Cooper.
The Rainbabies. Laura Krauss Melmed. Illustrated by Jim LaMarche.
Rain Rain Rivers. Uri Shulevitz.
Tuesday. David Wiesner.
Tops and Bottoms. Janet Stevens.
Once When I was Scared. Helena Clare Pitman. Illustrated by Ted Rand.
The High Rise Glorious Skittle Skat Roarious Sky Pie Angel Food Cake. Nancy Willard.
The Man Who Kept His Heart in a Bucket. Sonia Levitin.
Pepe the Lamplighter. Elisa Bartone. Illustrated by Ted Lewin.
The Tale of the Mandarin Ducks. Katherine Paterson. Illustrated by Leo and Diane Dillon.
Round and Round the Garden. Sarah Williams. Illustrated by Ian Beck.

Books we already have:

The Runaway Bunny (small and large in cardboard)
ABC (cardboard cube by Crocodile Creek)
Finger Plays for Nursery and Kindergarten
The Berenstain Bears Don’t Pollute
Goodnight Moon (large, cardboard)
Where the Wild Things Are (paperback)
Mary’s First Christmas
Llama Llama Red Pajama
Knuffle Bunny: Mistaken Identity Mo Willems
So Much
All the Places to Love. Patricia MacLachlan. Illustrated by Mike Wimmer.
I Went Walking. Sue Williams.
The Story of Christmas French Chapman
Sunrise, Sunset Harnick and Schoenherr
The Nativity Vivas
I Love You Through and Through Rossetti-Shustak
How Many Kisses Goodnight Thomas
Colours Little Scholastic
I Heard a Little Baa MacLeod
My Food! Ziefert
Brown Bear, Brown Bear Bill Martin Jr.
The Rainbow Fish Pfister
Good Morning, Good Night! Mitchell
Baby Cakes Wilson
Pajama Time Sandra Boynton
Good Night, Sleep Tight! Shhh… Fujikawa
A Child’s Book of Prayers Hague
Noah’s Ark Adams
The Empty Pot Demi
Stone Soup Muth
Mother Goose Long
The Baby’s Good Morning Book Chorao
Farm Faces iBaby
Counting Animals Cappetta
My Body/Mi Cuerpo Rosa-Mendoza
Five Silly Monkeys Haskamp
Winnie-the-Pooh’s Colours Milne
Winnie-the-Pooh’s 1-2-3 Milne
Winnie-the-Pooh’s A-B-C Milne
Winnie-the-Pooh’s Opposites Milne
Who are They? Hoban
The Easter Story Harrast
Barnyard Dance Sandra Boynton
Colours: A Glitterboard Book
Baby Beluga Wolff
Joseph and his Brothers Weiss
Colours Bolam
But Not the Hippopotamus Sandra Boynton
You Can Drive a Fire Engine Bracken
The Tallest Tree Lieber
Baby Animals Tildes
Belly Button Book! Sandra Boynton
God Sees Our Pets Poole
God Loves the Jungle Animals Poole
Open the Barn Door… Santoro
Numbers/Numeros Priddy Books
Old MacDonald Tormont
Peek-a-Who Laden
Keiki Counting Ye
Farm Animals Bicknell
Look Look! Linenthal
Bath Time Sandra Boynton
Count My Blessings Meij
Baby Finds Brimax
What Does Violet See? Aigner-Clark
Gallop! Seder
Whose Toes are Those? Asim
The Farm Book Pfloog
Who Am I? Crozoh
Barney’s Farm Animals Kearns
Nelly and Caesar: In, Out, and Other Places Godon
My Mommy and Me Macnaughton
My First Book of Shapes Aigner-Clark
The Cow Who Fell in the Canal Krasilovski
The Hunter Casanova
What Colour is Love Gurley
The Berenstain Bears: Back to School Berenstain
This First Thanksgiving Day Melmed
New Junior Cookbook Better Homes and Gardens
Sylvester and the Magic Pebble Steig
Mary’s First Christmas Walt Wangering Jr.
I Have to Go Ross
En las Piernas de Mama Scott
The First Step Bible Gold’n'Honey Books
Baby Animals on the Farm Shooter
David and Goliath Bartlett
The Saggy Baggy Elephant Jackson
When We Were Very Young Milne
Blue Train, Green Train Awdry
Mr. Brown Can Moo! Can You? Seuss
Dr. Seuss’s A-B-C Seuss
Are You My Mother? Eastman
The Foot Book Seuss
The Easy-to-Read Little Engine That Could Piper
The Berenstain Bears and the Messy Room Berenstain
Pleasant Fieldmouse Wahl
Hando and Fabian McCarty
Sheep out to Eat Shaw
Winter Days in the Big Woods Ingalls-Wilder
Brundibar Sendak
Where the Wild Things Are Sendak
A Treasury of Curious George Rey
Good Babies Myers
The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey Wojciechowski
Stories for Children Oscar Wilde
The Hungry Coat Demi
Love you Forever Munsch
The Chronicles of Narnia C.S. Lewis

(and many more — I need to update this list!)